Relationships.

If you know me well, you know that there's not many people I choose to keep company with. I do not get along well with most people at all. This is for a few reasons - I'm hard to take. I say exactly whats on my mind and that's not always what people want to hear. I get nervous easily and I say and do stupid things that I normally wouldn't say or do. And last, I tend to keep to myself for the simple fact that I find most people to be idiots and annoying. Because of this I don't have many friends - which is fine with me - but that also means I haven't had much support through out my pregnancy. Actually I've had almost no support. When I first found out I was pregnant I was sure that my friends and family would be supportive in every way possible. I was worried about the pregnancy symptoms, but not the people. Things have gone completley opposite then I thought. I don't mind the sickness or the pain or the sleepless nights or having to pee ever half hour, sometimes I actually kind of like all those things.
The people I know have made my pregnancy difficult.

I am not in any way trying to complain about the people in my life. I love all of you. But this blog is about every aspect of my pregnancy, and I'm going to be completely honest.

When you get pregnant it does not mean you are pregnant. It means everyone around you suddenly feels they have the right to tell you how to live life. You are carrying their grandchild/niece/god child/best friends baby. It is now their business what you eat, how much  you sleep, your finances, your relationship with the father, everything.
I've been lectured for eating subway, for going to bed late, for buying baby things at certain stores, for "using Kevin for his money", for not excersizing enough, for not getting enough rest - I was even lectured for being excited to find out the gender of my baby.
I had met Kevin's family one time before I got pregnant. To be honest I probably should of been a little more sober for this meeting. But what's done is done. It's not easy to tell someone you are pregnant, especially when you hardly know them. I was convinced everyone was going to think I'm a whore, or using Kevin, and I was once asked if I tried to get pregnant because I thought he was going to leave me (defiantly not the case)
I'm no idiot. I know when a person has a problem with me. Usually it's pretty clear why too.
I'm not only pregnant with Kevin's baby. I've taken away Kevin's life as he knows it. He will never have the same amount of freedom, his money now goes to baby things, instead of going out or buying things for himself, he has alot more responsibility then he's ready for, the list goes on. There's also a no drinking rule in my house, which alot of people don't understand. Since I got pregnant Kevin life has changed drastically. And I know his friends and family see this. Of course there are people he knows that are excited for this baby, and who have no problems with me at all. But there are some who have seem to forgotten that I have given up just as much as Kevin, and I did not get myself pregnant. No one has forced Kevin to stick around. It's his choice, and I seem to be being punished for it. I feel bad for Kevin having to give up his life to have a baby so young, but I also know how excited he is, and once again - I did not get myself pregnant.

As for my family and friends. I don't even know where to start. In my family I am not supported - I am gossiped about. I didn't even get the chance to tell my Grandma I was pregnant. As soon as one person found, they were on the phone with everyone else talking about how I am "knocked up" and "the poor baby". And my friends? I don't have any anymore. Everyone far to busy partying to call me. Or they don't like my "pregnancy hormones". (which is what they call it when they say completely bitchy to me and I get mad, like asking me to get my boyfriend to knock them up so he will buy them a car)

Because of these things, I am not having a baby shower. I'm not going to go out and celebrate my 21st birthday when I'm done being pregnant. I'm not going to have alot of people come see the baby and bring me gifts. And I'm fine with all of this. All it means to me is that me and Kevin are going to do this by ourselves, which we have been and are perfectly happy, and to be honest, we got pregnant. not everyone else. So I don't feel like I need anyone's support anyway. = )


There are of course people who have been nothing but kind, generous and supportive of me and Kevin, they are the grandparents, Kevin's sister in-law. my older brother, and one of Kevin's friends.
That list isn't excluding anyone, those are just the people who have gone out of their way to make me feel comfortable.