I'm due for a few monthly posts for my month to month goal. But I'm not going to write about that. Why? Because I havnt worked on any of those goals. I've had my mind on other things, more important things.
I've been thinking alot lately about facebook. Oh facebook, the stem of all my problems and pissed offness. You see, I keep seeing these posts of people complaining about their lives, which then results in a whole crap load of people commenting and saying "stop posting these things on facebook". Which got me thinking about the baby book comments. "this isn't baby book. stop making constant posts about your kids". Which got me thinking about the entire point of facebook. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't facebook created so you can add your friends, keep in touch, and know what's going on in everyones lives? So maybe you don't care about how freaking adorable my child looks in her new pink shirt. But I don't care about your brand new hair cut. Or your freshly painted nails. Or that you did your eye make up weird today. Now maybe you don't care that someone just got fired, but someone else does. Maybe facebook isnt the place to be complaining about every little thing in your life, but fact of the matter is that today facebook is how most people communicate maybe not with their best friends, or their mom. But with everyone else it is. I'm terrible for complaining about people posting about their personal lives. But now that I think about it, why else do I go on facebook? I don't look to see what someone had for lunch. I look to see if my friend graduated from university, to see if someone's kid took their first steps. I look to see if someone is newly engaged, or to give a bit of support to someone who is going through a break up.
So, why do we all put so much effort into shutting out "our friends"?
Someone once said to me "Sometimes you have to keep your opinions to yourself." Excuse me? Keep my opinions to myself? Now not once did I insult this person, not once did I tell them the best way to do something. I won't go into detail about why this comment was made to me, but it was uncalled for.
These things are being said repeatedly by everyone, to everyone. "Keep it off facebook" "It's not anyone's business but yours" "Keep your opinions to yourself" "You don't need to share every thought"
As most of you know, I'm notorious for speaking my mind. Do I share every thought? No, I don't. In fact, I'm alot more quiet then people think. When I say something I generally have a million other thoughts in my mind that don't come out for fear of offending someone. That being said. I also say things without thinking, and I regret it later. Because of this little habit of mine, many people have said to me "I wish I could speak my mind like you do."
There are people out there who are desperately unhappy because they are afraid to speak. They don't want to say that they don't want to do something, or see someone, there's people who are parenting their kids how they don't want to, because they wont speak up to say they don't want to do something. There's people out there who listen to things important to them be bashed, because they are afraid to stand up for things. There are people out there who know right from wrong, who wont say anything because they are afraid to be told exactly what I was told. To keep their opinions to themselves To keep it off facebook. It's not anyone's business You don't need to share every thought. So, my question is this. Who decided it's not acceptable to talk about things? Didn't we have people put their lives on the line, so we could have freedom of speech? Didn't we have people fight for our freedom? For acceptance? Weren't there people who fought for women's rights? For children's rights? For different races rights? And don't those rights include being able to speak up, and to do what you want, and what you don't want ? (abiding by law, of course.)
So naturally, after years and years of speaking my mind, and being told to shut up, and that my thoughts and my opinions don't matter, I shut up. How far did that get me? Well, I was accused of putting up a wall. Yes, a wall. Where did this theory come from? The fact that I wouldn't let a few people get close to me, because I wouldn't talk to them much. In reality, I don't talk to people I don't like. It's that simple. People who put up walls don't get engaged, have kids, have good friends, and so on. Anyway, back to the point. After being quiet, and being accused of putting up a wall, I was told "I don't even like you." As if it's a insult. Why is that a insult? If I don't like you, it's not because I want to hurt you, it's because we just don't get along. (In some cases, a few other factors come in) So why has not liking someone become a insult? Is that what people crave so badly? Has it become a popularity contest? Is that why we are telling people to keep things off facebook? Because we have tried so hard to be liked and be popular that we have added everyone we don't care about who doesn't care about us? Who is just there to make our number bigger? Is that why we don't speak our minds? Because there is always someone who is going to say something about you later? Does it all come back to how we feel about ourselves If no one else likes us, if we don't have 500 friends, then can we like ourselves? Is that why we so constantly try to break everyone else, by telling them that no one else should know their problems? And why is it that we don't care? Shouldn't we all care about everyone? There's few people I hate, but when I hate I really, really hate. I'd still do anything for them, because they are still people. And people shouldn't be hurt. And what hurts worse then anything? Being told you, and your thoughts aren't wanted.
So I'm opting for change. I'm as guilty as anyone in telling people to shut up, but I'm going to stop that, I'm going to embrace it when someone makes a whiney status. I'm going to offer support when someone asks for it, I'm going to give acceptance to everyone's opinion (actually something I've always done, don't always AGREE, but I try to accept, ya'll should too) and I'm going to encourage people to speak more about whats going on in their heads, and lives. There's no need for people to battle things alone, and whether someone out there reads this and they hate me or not, I dont care. If it gives someone something to gossip about , I don't care, and if someone sends love and support, then I thank them.
In the beginning of this post, I wrote "I have had my mind on other things, more important things". Part of wanting change, is being honest about the change your seeking, so here it is. My more important things have to do with money. Wholey crapola I'm broke. All I do is look for jobs, and do math. and try to figure out how to pay for things.
I'm going nuts. I sit at home all day and worry. I'm alone 99% of the time, and theres only so much baby babble you can listen to before you want to cry.
I'm over tired. I lay up at night and think, and I do things all day.
I've completely lost my relationship with my mother, and I will not get it back until I can figure out how willing I am to forgive.
All in all, life is sucking for me. So there it is, all my dirty laundry for everyone to see. Hopefully everyone will accept it, and take this as a realization that you don't need to go through things alone, that it's okay to talk about things, and it's okay to speak your mind, and ask for support. It's okay to admit everything is not perfect, it's okay to cry over facebook and admit you aren't as strong as people thing you are. It's okay to not care what people think. It's okay to let people know if your mad, or annoyed, or if you think they may be wrong. It's okay to add your two cents, and it's okay to piss people off. I'm sure there's more then a few people who have pissed you off. If it's worth it to stand up to someone, then do it.
You don't need to be best friends with everyone. You can walk away at any time, but no one should ever hear that their thoughts, and their lives don't matter.
THE END
