People always ask me why I don't have friends. You see, I do have friends. Just because you see me posting pictures on a Friday night of being home with my daughter doesnt mean I dont have friends. I have lots of friends. Just because I'd rather spend a night at home with my boyfriend and baby doesnt mean I dont talk to people or see people. Although I think I know where this is coming from, so I'm going to clear it up.
I don't interact with people the way others do. I infact often do my best to avoid people who I'm not close with. I don't often use facebook to talk to my few friends, I have a phone and I use it. I'm the last person to go out of my way and text someone though, I never call, I never make plans with someone. I put very little effort into getting to know anyone new really. This doesnt mean I'm unfriendly. I can be a very friendly person and if you take the time to talk to me, I'll be as pleasant as anyone. Does this mean I want to make friends with you? Probably not. If I'm not going out of my way to contact you there is more than likely a reason.
First, just so it doesnt seem like I think I'm so amazing and everyone else sucks, I'll give you some insight to me.
People have a tendency to think that I think I'm so freaking awesome. Well, I won't lie, I do think I'm pretty great. I like how I look, how I dress, talk, etc. Does this mean I think I'm better then everyone? Absolutely not. I don't think I'm better then ANYONE actually. I don't think anyone is better then me either. I think everyone is equal. This may be hard to understand since I just wrote a paragraph saying I don't talk to new people for a reason, but trust me, in a minute you'll get it.
When I meet people bad things tend to happen haha, I get all nervous and excited and I act weird. I think I've previously posted something along these lines. So this being said, not a whole lot of people like me at first. I'm a love me or hate me kind of person. No one has ever said "shes okay" about me. I get moody and bitchy and annoying and everything else. It just happens. And honestly, I'm not willing to change that cause its part of me. And I like me. Next, I have a tendency to "out do" people. Don't misunderstand. I don't mean I purposely go out of my way to make sure I'm better then everyone else. I just prefer things a certain way. I wear brand name shoes because they make my feet feel nice. If you wear walmart ones then thats great because its your choice. I don't wear make up, not my because I think I'm prettier then everyone, but because I don't like the way woman are treated when they either do or dont wear it. Things like this make people label me as a bitch. Often they are right. I can be the biggest bitch you will ever meet. But mostly because I will put you in your place if it means standing up for what I believe in. I don't let people walk all over me. And if you give me a reason to not like you, you will KNOW I don't like you.
Do I sound like a bitter lonely person yet? Nah. Theres few people I don't like, fewer people I hate. I just would rather avoid certain situations. Infact, I think everyone else is just as bitter and lonely as I seem to be.
I may be awkward and annoying and loud and bitchy. But who isnt at times? I can admit my faults. But how many people are going to read this and go "I do these things too". I guarantee not many. And while I have a million reasons for someone to not like me, that has nothing to do with why I don't go out of my way to make friends. Heres the reason.
People like to talk to me. Oh poor me right? Someones actually trying to talk to me and make friends, life is hard. Nope. I don't mean they say "hey there how are you doin?" I mean they really really talk. They talk about bad things that have happened in their life. They talk about what they are stressing over that week. They tell me whats going on in their relationship. I mean deep personal things. Which is fine, I'm always willing to help anyone, and if you want to talk then I'll listen. The part that gets me is while these people are talking about all these things, they are also talking about people. Their family, their friends, their significant others. And it's never good things. I've never heard someone say "oh I cant wait for you to meet my best friend. They are so funny." I've heard things like "I guess youll like my best friend. She changes her personality so people always like her. She's so two faced." Or something like " My sister is coming to town. I hate when she does, she always needs to attention to always be on her."
I hate when people tell me things like this. First, it ruins my chance to get to know someone, and second, it ruins my chance to get to know you. Do you really think as your telling me these things I'm thinking "oh this person sounds awful."? Cause I'm not. What I'm thinking is "why the hell is this person talking shit about someone behind their back when they call them their best friend?" I'm not stupid. If your going to say these things about someone your "so close with" then why wouldnt I think that youre not going to talk about me too? And why would I chose to get close to someone who I know is going to sit and talk shit about me ? Doesn't appeal to me. I think Ive met maybe two people in my life who don't talk bad about their loved ones. And thats pathetic. I'm not trying to act like I'm so high and mighty because I'm guilty of it too. Thing is, when I do it, I only ever say things that I have outright said to the person I'm talking about. Does that make it better? No. But atleast I'm not being two faced. Maybe this is harsh. But really, I don't care. I choose not to get close to people because I choose not to give people reasons to talk bad about me. I choose not to talk to people because I don't want my words twisted to make me sound awful. I choose not to get to know people because I don't want to know people that I have something bad to say about. Does this make me a bad person? I'm sure alot of people are going to call me a bitch for this. As always. But honestly, thats fine. Because I know that I have friends who don't talk about me, and never give me a reason to talk about them.
Maybe this sounds like I've been hurt, maybe it makes me sound like a coward. I know that I can meet people who are good people, I just have to get out there and take a chance, but really, I'm 21 years old, and I have a baby. Lots of people have kids and still go out, but I would rather spend my time with my daughter. I always see people looking for babysitters so they can go out. I don't want to. I like being with her. And when I do need a break, I want to be alone then go out with someone. I want to relax and do nothing. I prefer to be alone. I do go out with friends, just not as often as other people. I don't want to meet people to go the bar with. I don't want to spend my weekends away from Kevin and Loganne. I like my life as it is. So why change it?
So, there it is. My extremely long rant about why I choose to be by myself most of the time. Maybe I'll end up alone because of it, maybe I won't. But either way, I'm happy with the few I have that I love and know will always be honest with me.
