Loganne is now nine and a half months old. Crazy. Shes walking with help, crawling everywhere and even says a few words. (no, woof, moma and dadda) She's got such a big personality. She's always laughing and babbling and of course, getting into trouble. She definatly keeps me busy haha. Looking back two years ago I never would of thought I'd be this woman. But wouldn't ya know it, I love being a stay at home mom. I love playing with my baby all day and cleaning the house when she naps. I love watching her learn and discover. I love her hugs and kisses and every part of my day. I never thought I'd be the person to stay home on a friday night and get excited over a new vacuum, but I am. Thats me. And truthfully, I love this life. I love being this person. I am so much happier now then when I was out partying with my friends all the time.
That being said, nothing about my life is easy anymore. I don't sleep at night, or during the day. I worry about money and bills. I work hard at my relationship with kevin, I worry about Logannes saftey and happyness and of course, I worry about my ability to be the mom she needs. It's easy to fall in-love and get pregnant. Its hard to keep that love alive while raising a child. I''ve never kept it a secret that Loganne was a suprise. And while I would'nt change a thing about my life, I've always wondered why people choose this path at such a young age? Let me just say that when I say I always wondered, I mean for years before I got pregnant to right now.
As selfish as it sounds, before I had Loganne I had a don't care kind of attitude. Not my life? Not my problem. Now that I am a mother I have a totally different outlook. Not only do I care about the wellbeing of my daughter, but I care about everyone elses children too. Along with all their parents. I want the best for everyone and anyone. And knowing how hard it gets to accomplish things after you have become a parent, it bothers me when people make this choice.
Let me explain.
Last time I wrote this, I was living with my mother, my two brothers, Kevin, Loganne, four dogs and two cats. chaos right? Absolutly. Needless to say we wanted our own place and fast. The original reason for us to be there was to save money to buy a house. Did that work out? Not exactly. We now rent a main floor of a house.Which makes saving for a house much much harder. Kevin will be attenting school full time come september, which will make it even harder. He will be in school four years, after that we need to save for a down payment, get approved...well. you all know how buying a house goes. My guess is within ten to fifteen years if we are lucky, we will be able to purchase our first home. In a perfect world Loganne would grow up in one home, go to school with the same kids from kindergarden to graduation, have a nice yard to play in, and not have to worry about losing her friends because she has to move from home to home. In a more perfect world, Loganne would have been born after me and kevin had our educations, owned a home, owned two cars, and were fully prepared to give her everything I just described. Why plan to get pregnant if you cant give your child everything they deserve? If you already have a kid that one thing. But tot have your first when you arent where you should be is another. It doesnt make sense to me. I'm probably gonna get alot of hate for this one, but has anyone ever gotten anywhere by tip toeing around subjects? I'd rather say what I think and be admired for standing up for what I believe in.
