Everytime I write in this I make a point to read every single previous post I've written. Part of why I started this was to watch how I've grown. It interests me to look at myself, how someone else would. I have grown tremendously. To see my thoughts, my rants, my experiences. It's almost overwhelming. When I began this blog I was scared, I was angry. Quite frankly, I was a average young person who got pregnant. I had so many emotions, so many thoughts, and so many opinions. Both set on me, and coming from me. I've learned to love myself more, to love others more. I've learned about other people, others views, others interests. I've learned to accept. Accept myself, my friends and family, my life, and everyone else's lives. Acceptance is a beautiful thing that I truly wish more people would strive for.
Now it's time to grow more. Life is like a book, cliché I know, but it is. You write your own chapters, and I'm moving on to a new chapter in my life. I've used this blog to share my thoughts, to share my opinions, my memories, and sometimes to just flat out complain about things. But I'm ending it now. I need to grow in new ways, and find more things about myself. I'm going to stop writing in my blog, I'm going to stop using facebook. There are many reasons for this, some most people won't understand, and some that most people would agree with. Some reasons are personal, and I don't feel the need to share them.
Before I go, there are a few thing's I'd like to say.
In regards to my miscarriage. I'm very sad, I will never understand why it happened. I'm the kind of person who needs to know things. If I have a question about anything ever I always make it a point to find out the answer, but I can not answer why for this. It may seem like something you just need to accept and move on from, but I am not that person. For the rest of my life I will always be keeping up to date with new studies on miscarriages. I will never let this go. It hurts. That being said, I'm excited to see what my next baby will be like. I'm trying to find positives in this. Kevin and I want another baby, and we will have another baby one day. We will love that baby as much as we love Loganne, and as much as we love the one we lost, and had I not lost this baby I'd never get to experience the love and joy that I will with my next. And frankly, there are days that I thank god for thinking Kevin and I are amazing enough to create a angel.
When you go to a abortion clinic they tell you not to think of it as a baby. To instead think of it as a sac of cells. An infection almost. I've never had a abortion. I never will. A baby is not a sac of cells. By the time you figure out you are pregnant, and book a abortion, then get there, your babies heart has started beating. A sac of cells does not have a heart beat. I've been thinking alot lately about abortions. I lost my baby, a baby I love. While women out there are killing theirs. Then I think of all those families who can't have kids for medical reasons, who would love to give that child you are aborting a wonderful, happy life. I've always thought this way about abortions. Every time someone says "it's different when you have to go through it" I laugh at them, because I was there. I had been with Kevin for 6 months before we got pregnant, we didn't really know each other Certainly not enough to have a baby together. I didn't know his family, he didn't know mine. I was uneducated, he didn't make alot of money, I lived with my mom and had no job. It was scary, actually, it was terrifying. By no means was it a exciting experience to learn that we had created a life. I was there. I was in the position where some people might run and get a abortion. Adoption was a option for us, in the end I'm happy we kept Loganne. I don't even remember what life was like before her. She has changed my world, Kevin and I are both happier, and better people because of her. She has motivated us to be better for ourselves and her. Sometimes I don't know what's more amazing, how much I love her, or how much love I feel from her. That's not something to be taken for granted.
Teen pregnancy is a scary thing, I was 20 when I got pregnant, but I was in the same position as a 16 year old to be honest. Up until two weeks ago I thought the reason teens shouldn't get pregnant is because they haven't grown up yet. Meaning that they don't have the means to provide for their child, meaning that they should have fun and be a kid a little longer, meaning that they aren't mature enough to become parents (that changes, a baby makes you grow up pretty quick) But now I see its so much more then that. I couldn't imagine being a teen and finding out that not only am I pregnant, but then to lose my baby. It's hard enough to deal with at any age, as a teenager it would be unimaginable. Parents, provide birth control, talk to your kids, support them. They will have sex, but they are not ready to be parents themselves. Help them to prevent it. And to all the young ones reading this, wait to have sex. It really will be better when you are old enough to fully understand, and to make proper choices. There is no rush.
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Kevin. Oh my sweet, amazing Kevin. I adore this man. What I did to be so lucky I'll never know, but I hope everyone gets to experience this kind of love at one point in their lives. When I was little I watched all those Disney movies where the princess is rescued or gets to marry the prince or whatever else, then I watched all those romance movies when I was a teen, and I thought of how badly I wanted a man like that, to love me that much, to be that much fun, to keep me safe and make me happy. Well I have that with Kevin. There are no horses carrying us off into the sunset. We don't live in a castle. We don't dress up and go to fancy dinners. But the love is there, the memories, the desperate need to be with each other as much as possible. It's a intense love, and it grows stronger every day. Even as I type this I'm almost in tears just thinking of how amazing he is, and how amazing our relationship is. We aren't perfect, our relationship isn't perfect. But it's pretty damn close. I can't imagine being with anyone else. I truly believe we are meant for each other We don't have a huge house, or a fancy car. We don't go out and spend a bunch of money on gifts and dinners and everything else, because what we have can't be bought. He's my soul mate, and I make a point of thanking God every day that I have such a amazing man in my life.
Loganne. Again, I thank God every day. I don't know what to write about this perfect child. Theres so much I want to say but there really are no words to describe her, or how I feel about her, I love her. I'm so happy I have her.
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"Parents like us have babies like ours"
This has been said to me a few times, obviously when I'm talking to friends about how smart, or funny or amazing our kids are. It's natural to brag about your kids, everyone should brag about our kids. I think I've heard every single person who's ever had a kid say "my baby is so strong, they were holding their head up at a week old " or "my baby is only 4 months and trying to crawl". That first word is always brought up too. "At 5 months my baby said their first word". Notice here how I've said every parent says these things. Myself included. Advanced is a big word used when parents talk about their kids. Advanced. What makes a advanced child? Ask any new parent out there and they will say it's parenting. It's what you do with your kids. Now I don't know about other kids, but I've sat in front of Loganne for hours trying to get her to learn a certain word. She usually doesn't get it. But theres days when a word or phrase just pops out of her. Parent's like us. Loganne is a very smart child. She picks up everything at the drop of a hat. Time to clean up toys? She's on it. Tv stops? Well jeez. Thats supposed to be on, and she knows how to tell you. Ask her to do just about anything and she will do it, she knows to say please and thankyou. She knows what certain things are for. She knows the proper places for everything. She knows. She's a smart kid. Is she a genius ? Well. Aren't all our babies geniuses? Parents like us. What does that even mean ? Parents like us. Parents that stay home, or go to work? Parents that bottle fed, or breast fed? Parent's who take their kids out every day, or stay home and read books? Parents like us ? Maybe it's not what's on tv. Maybe it's not the toys that teach things. Maybe it's not that you feed your child more veggies then chocolate (though I have my opinions on junk food). Maybe it's the love we give them. Parents like us. What parent doesn't give their baby a hug every day? Or a kiss at bed time? What parent is going to love their baby less if they don't say their first word by the time they are a year old ? What parent is going to ever admit they are less then another? None. We all parent in our own ways, and we all have smart, beautiful, strong, happy babies and kids. That's what makes a parent. There should never be a category when it comes to parenting. Parents like all of us love our kids, we carried them for nine months. We changed diapers and stayed up at night. We get their breakfasts lunches and dinners, we love them. That's what should be focused on. Not how soon your baby walked. Parents like us. You know what. If you want to take a hour and let your baby play by itself while you sit on the couch, then do it. If you don't feel like cooking a meal and instead decide to put something in the microwave, then do it. If you want to put your kid down for a nap early because you just need that break then do it. If you don't want to finger pain cause you don't want to clean up the mess on that day, then it's okay. Get a baby sitter so you can nap. Put something on the tv that isn't a educational cartoon. Give your kid a cookie instead of a apple. Let your kid run around naked for the day. Just always remember to love your kid, that's what parents like us should mean.
Ps. Parents like us, need to learn that we are not parenting only our kids. Everything you say and teach your child is going to be passed on when your child gets to school. Everyone is going to see those pictures and status's you post, including some young kids. If you allow your 14 year old to smoke, they are going to go and offer a smoke to another 14 year old. If someone else allows their kid to drink, that kid is going to offer alcohol to my kid. If you don't get your kids shots, and tell them why, that kid is going to go to school and tell other kids those reasons, and scare those kids. If you don't like a book for your kid, your kid is going to go say why to other people. An example of this is I had a friend with a 6 month old girl, who said she would not dress her baby in anything with a cherry on it, because it's dirty and sexual. She didn't care that there were kids around when she said it. That sentence will be passed on. We are all parenting everyones kids. It is our responsibility to make sure we act as proper parents in front of our kids, as well as everyone elses.
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The need to succeed is huge in people. There's so many things that people think they need to have, or accomplish, in order to be the best, to be better. Maybe you don't need to have 10 businesses Maybe you don't need to have 10 degrees, or go to 50 places. Maybe you don't need 500 friends on facebook. That's not success. Success is feeling happy with yourself, and your life, starting at home and with your family and close friends. Pick the job you want, that you like, and succeed in that. Pick the people you love, and succeed in those relationships. An Ipad isn't going to make you successful. A fancy car isn't going to make you like yourself. A big house isn't going to make others love you. I find when people strive for matereal things, they lose site of what's important. That big tv in your living room isnt going to love you, or make your kids happier. Kid's are going to remember the funny comments you make when watching that tv. Those same comments you can make when you are off the couch and playing with them. That cake you bake isnt going to make them think you are a good mom or grandma. The time you spend running after them at the park is more important. You may think these objects make for a fulfilling life now, but you are going to hate yourself when your spouse or your kids have a heart attack at 40 because they ate nothing but junk food and didn't get up to do things. You're going to hate yourself when your 10 year old gets diabetes.
I started this off talking about acceptance. Acceptance is a tricky thing. I can accept if someone wants to eat like crap, but I can not accept it if they have a health problem from eating like crap then continue to do so even if they are putting their life in danger. I can accept that some people are ready to get pregnant and be a parent. I can not accept that innocent lives are being killed. I can accept alot of things, I can accept that you don't believe in God when I do, I can accept that you don't think it's right that I have a kid, yet I'm not married. I can accept that you choose to drink every weekend and leave your kid with a babysitter, when I don't choose to do that. But I can not, and I refuse to accept that people are not taking precautions to live happy healthy lives. I can not change it, but I can not accept it either.
So, I will be leaving this blog up, but I won't be writing in it any more I'll be leaving my facebook activated, because I have way to many pictures on there, and honestly, I use it for games, so I can't delete it haha. But I won't be using them any more. There's to many arguments ( not for me, but I see other people fighting) To much sad news. To much obsessions. To much negativity. There are a million other ways to talk to me, and stay updated with my life and each and every one of you can ask me what those ways are. Peace and Love to everyone. Thanks for reading.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV4DiAyExN0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMH-N0SfmuE
Sunday, 21 April 2013
Thursday, 4 April 2013
I have two babies.
Tuesday, April 2nd I was excited. I had found a website filled with blogs of home birth moms. I found myself crying through every post. I was so excited to have a home birth. To hold my baby. To kiss my baby. To introduce Loganne to her new sibling I was excited to watch my stomach grow. To feel the kicks and hiccups I was so excited to experience the love and joy that comes with a new baby. I so desperately wanted to see that first smile. hear that first giggle. teach that first word. I so desperately wanted my baby. I so desperately want my new baby. I was standing in my spare room, my babies room, for over two hours that day. I was picturing where the crib would go, what colour the walls would be. I was picturing me holding my baby in the middle of the night. I pictured the toys, and the pictures. I pictured Kevin reading to the baby, as he so often does with Loganne. I could see my baby in that room. I could hear the laughter, I could see the smiles. I could feel the love. Again, I cried because I was just. that. happy.
That night I was putting Loganne in the bath, I went pee first and noticed something I didn't want to see. I was bleeding. I called health link, and was told to go to bed. I knew this wasnt good, but I somehow convinced myself that it was okay. Alot of women spot early in their pregnancies. God wouldn't do this to me. I love this baby to much for it to be taken from me. I spent my night with my hand on my stomache. I was sure it was okay. How could my baby not be okay? I was doing everything right. I was taking my vitamins. I was staying active. I was eating right, hell, I was doing really good with quitting smoking. I did it all right. There was no reason for my baby to die. There was no reason for such a innocent life, that was loved so much, to end. I was sure of it. I was absolutely convinced that my baby was okay.
I woke up on Wednesday, April 3rd. I had made kevin stay home from school that day, just incase. I went to the bathroom to see more blood, except I wasn't spotting. I was bleeding alot. Alot. Alot. Alot. Again, I called health link, then my midwife, and was told to go to emergency. Loganne had gone to my moms, so Kevin and I left immediately Over and over I had to explain what was happening, I had to say "I'm pregnant and bleeding", though in my mind I knew I was no longer pregnant. I had to explain to a million people. I had to relive it over and over. I had to hear over and over "sometimes this happens. everything might be okay." I wanted to hear "you can go home now, theres nothing left to do" I didn't want to hold on anymore, I knew there was no life left. I didn't want to keep hearing "maybe" or "some women do this, and have their babies." I didn't want to hear about other women having their babies. I wanted my baby. I was at the hospital from 10 am till 2 pm. I had two ultrasounds. There was no baby. The doctor who told me said "It's sucky news to hear" Which is the most insensitive way to tell someone. "its sucky" , really? Thanks for your compassion.
So. Now what? Now the "supportive" words continue.
"Maybe it's for the best." Excuse me? Maybe it's for the best? Now I know as well as everyone else that what people mean by this, is maybe there was something "wrong" with my baby. As if that makes it any better. Who are you to tell me that it's for the best that my BABY DIED? Do you think it would matter to me if my baby had one arm? Or if my baby had down syndrom? Would that make me love my baby any less? Absolutely not. It was my baby. I loved my baby. Who are you to tell me it's for the best that my baby died.
"It's better it happened early on." Oh I'm sorry. I didn't know there was a good time for this to happen. I didn't know I shouldn't love my baby, incase this happened. I didn't know I wasnt allowed ot get attached. I had no idea that having this happen early on, means I should hurt less.
"You will have a baby when the time is right" Again, I didn't know that this was the time for me to lose my baby. For me, this was the time to have a baby. Not the time for it to die.
"This is why you should wait to tell people." WHAT?! So hold on. I'm supposed to be excited alone. Then suffer alone? I don't get support? I don't get to share my experience? My babies death is supposed to be kept a secret, as if it doesnt matter? I wasn't supposed to admit that there was a life? I had no clue. Honestly, if I ever get pregnant again, I will tell everyone early on, I will share all of it. I won't change anything.
"Well, you can try again." Oh okay. Thanks. Now I know I can replace that baby, with a new one. Awesome.
"It will get better with time." No really? Okay. So what about now? No really. I honestly want to know what to do right now.
Maybe I don't want to hear these things. Maybe I don't want anyone to make it better, or tell me their thoughts. Maybe I want to hear "I'm so sorry, I'm here if you need me." And thats all. Thats enough. I don't want anyone to fix it. I don't want anyone to tell me that it will get better, or how I will feel later. I don't want anyone to tell me how to look at it. I want to hear that someone is there for me, and that is all. No more.
What do I do now? I really don't know. I don't know what I did two days ago. Was I playing with Loganne? Should I do the dishes right now? What time of day did I shower? What did I watch on t.v.? Fuck. What did I do at all ? How did I fill my day? What do I do?
I'll tell you what I do now. I sit on my couch, and I watch Loganne play. I picture a baby playing with her. I walk down my hallway, and I pass that room that my baby would sleep in. I think. All day I think. I get those moments, when Loganne makes me laugh, and then I go to the bathroom and it's there. The evidence of a miscarriage. I try to eat, and I remember I'm not eating for two. I look in my cupboard, and I see my prenatal vitamins that I don't need to take anymore. It's everywhere. There's a stroller in my dining room, that my baby would of sat in. Theres pepsi, that helps with pregnancy headaches. At night, I think about how my baby was conceived in that room. And how thats where I had to lay, and wait for my baby to die. Theres nothing I can do anymore, that doesnt make me think about how lost I feel. How confused I am. How I'm empty now. This is going to follow me, I'll get to go through mothers day, I'll get to my due date, I'll go through christmas without my baby. When I get pregnant again, my doctor will ask how many pregnancies I've had before. When I try to name a baby, if I ever choose to get pregnant again, I'll struggle on whether or not to use the names I had picked for this one. I'll always wonder why one, or two of my kids made it, and this one didn't. I'll never know if this baby was unhealthy, or if I bumped into that counter a little to hard. I'll never know if my baby had a heart defect, or if I just didn't eat well enough. I can hear over and over "Sometimes this just happens. It's a part of life." But that's not going to make a difference for me right now.
I havent answered my phone. Or texts. I havnt' looked on facebook, or instagram. I haven't looked at anything. Because thats where the babies are. Everyone I know who's pregnant. Or who just had a baby. Who's baby just took their first steps. I don't want to see it right now. But I haven't talked to anyone because they shouldn't feel guilty that their baby is there, they shouldnt have to feel like they need to tiptoe around me. I want everyone to hold their kids a little tighter, to kiss their babies a little more. I just don't want to see it right now.
Theres no way I can ever explain how much this hurts. I pray to god that one day doctors can find out why this happens, and stop it. I pray that no one I know ever had to feel this hurt. And I pray that I can get through this. That I can heal, and learn to laugh again, and smile again. That one day I can be okay with this. But right now, I just want to cry.
And by the way, everyone who's asking how I'm doing. Kevin lost his baby too. Kevin is hurting too. It's not just me who is suffering, he loved that baby too. He kissed my belly goodnight. He told that baby he loved him or her. He was excited. Don't look past him and his hurt. It's not just me. He needs to hear that someone is there, just as much as I do. It wasnt just my baby. It was our baby.
That night I was putting Loganne in the bath, I went pee first and noticed something I didn't want to see. I was bleeding. I called health link, and was told to go to bed. I knew this wasnt good, but I somehow convinced myself that it was okay. Alot of women spot early in their pregnancies. God wouldn't do this to me. I love this baby to much for it to be taken from me. I spent my night with my hand on my stomache. I was sure it was okay. How could my baby not be okay? I was doing everything right. I was taking my vitamins. I was staying active. I was eating right, hell, I was doing really good with quitting smoking. I did it all right. There was no reason for my baby to die. There was no reason for such a innocent life, that was loved so much, to end. I was sure of it. I was absolutely convinced that my baby was okay.
I woke up on Wednesday, April 3rd. I had made kevin stay home from school that day, just incase. I went to the bathroom to see more blood, except I wasn't spotting. I was bleeding alot. Alot. Alot. Alot. Again, I called health link, then my midwife, and was told to go to emergency. Loganne had gone to my moms, so Kevin and I left immediately Over and over I had to explain what was happening, I had to say "I'm pregnant and bleeding", though in my mind I knew I was no longer pregnant. I had to explain to a million people. I had to relive it over and over. I had to hear over and over "sometimes this happens. everything might be okay." I wanted to hear "you can go home now, theres nothing left to do" I didn't want to hold on anymore, I knew there was no life left. I didn't want to keep hearing "maybe" or "some women do this, and have their babies." I didn't want to hear about other women having their babies. I wanted my baby. I was at the hospital from 10 am till 2 pm. I had two ultrasounds. There was no baby. The doctor who told me said "It's sucky news to hear" Which is the most insensitive way to tell someone. "its sucky" , really? Thanks for your compassion.
So. Now what? Now the "supportive" words continue.
"Maybe it's for the best." Excuse me? Maybe it's for the best? Now I know as well as everyone else that what people mean by this, is maybe there was something "wrong" with my baby. As if that makes it any better. Who are you to tell me that it's for the best that my BABY DIED? Do you think it would matter to me if my baby had one arm? Or if my baby had down syndrom? Would that make me love my baby any less? Absolutely not. It was my baby. I loved my baby. Who are you to tell me it's for the best that my baby died.
"It's better it happened early on." Oh I'm sorry. I didn't know there was a good time for this to happen. I didn't know I shouldn't love my baby, incase this happened. I didn't know I wasnt allowed ot get attached. I had no idea that having this happen early on, means I should hurt less.
"You will have a baby when the time is right" Again, I didn't know that this was the time for me to lose my baby. For me, this was the time to have a baby. Not the time for it to die.
"This is why you should wait to tell people." WHAT?! So hold on. I'm supposed to be excited alone. Then suffer alone? I don't get support? I don't get to share my experience? My babies death is supposed to be kept a secret, as if it doesnt matter? I wasn't supposed to admit that there was a life? I had no clue. Honestly, if I ever get pregnant again, I will tell everyone early on, I will share all of it. I won't change anything.
"Well, you can try again." Oh okay. Thanks. Now I know I can replace that baby, with a new one. Awesome.
"It will get better with time." No really? Okay. So what about now? No really. I honestly want to know what to do right now.
Maybe I don't want to hear these things. Maybe I don't want anyone to make it better, or tell me their thoughts. Maybe I want to hear "I'm so sorry, I'm here if you need me." And thats all. Thats enough. I don't want anyone to fix it. I don't want anyone to tell me that it will get better, or how I will feel later. I don't want anyone to tell me how to look at it. I want to hear that someone is there for me, and that is all. No more.
What do I do now? I really don't know. I don't know what I did two days ago. Was I playing with Loganne? Should I do the dishes right now? What time of day did I shower? What did I watch on t.v.? Fuck. What did I do at all ? How did I fill my day? What do I do?
I'll tell you what I do now. I sit on my couch, and I watch Loganne play. I picture a baby playing with her. I walk down my hallway, and I pass that room that my baby would sleep in. I think. All day I think. I get those moments, when Loganne makes me laugh, and then I go to the bathroom and it's there. The evidence of a miscarriage. I try to eat, and I remember I'm not eating for two. I look in my cupboard, and I see my prenatal vitamins that I don't need to take anymore. It's everywhere. There's a stroller in my dining room, that my baby would of sat in. Theres pepsi, that helps with pregnancy headaches. At night, I think about how my baby was conceived in that room. And how thats where I had to lay, and wait for my baby to die. Theres nothing I can do anymore, that doesnt make me think about how lost I feel. How confused I am. How I'm empty now. This is going to follow me, I'll get to go through mothers day, I'll get to my due date, I'll go through christmas without my baby. When I get pregnant again, my doctor will ask how many pregnancies I've had before. When I try to name a baby, if I ever choose to get pregnant again, I'll struggle on whether or not to use the names I had picked for this one. I'll always wonder why one, or two of my kids made it, and this one didn't. I'll never know if this baby was unhealthy, or if I bumped into that counter a little to hard. I'll never know if my baby had a heart defect, or if I just didn't eat well enough. I can hear over and over "Sometimes this just happens. It's a part of life." But that's not going to make a difference for me right now.
I havent answered my phone. Or texts. I havnt' looked on facebook, or instagram. I haven't looked at anything. Because thats where the babies are. Everyone I know who's pregnant. Or who just had a baby. Who's baby just took their first steps. I don't want to see it right now. But I haven't talked to anyone because they shouldn't feel guilty that their baby is there, they shouldnt have to feel like they need to tiptoe around me. I want everyone to hold their kids a little tighter, to kiss their babies a little more. I just don't want to see it right now.
Theres no way I can ever explain how much this hurts. I pray to god that one day doctors can find out why this happens, and stop it. I pray that no one I know ever had to feel this hurt. And I pray that I can get through this. That I can heal, and learn to laugh again, and smile again. That one day I can be okay with this. But right now, I just want to cry.
And by the way, everyone who's asking how I'm doing. Kevin lost his baby too. Kevin is hurting too. It's not just me who is suffering, he loved that baby too. He kissed my belly goodnight. He told that baby he loved him or her. He was excited. Don't look past him and his hurt. It's not just me. He needs to hear that someone is there, just as much as I do. It wasnt just my baby. It was our baby.
Monday, 18 March 2013
Speak.
I'm due for a few monthly posts for my month to month goal. But I'm not going to write about that. Why? Because I havnt worked on any of those goals. I've had my mind on other things, more important things.
I've been thinking alot lately about facebook. Oh facebook, the stem of all my problems and pissed offness. You see, I keep seeing these posts of people complaining about their lives, which then results in a whole crap load of people commenting and saying "stop posting these things on facebook". Which got me thinking about the baby book comments. "this isn't baby book. stop making constant posts about your kids". Which got me thinking about the entire point of facebook. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't facebook created so you can add your friends, keep in touch, and know what's going on in everyones lives? So maybe you don't care about how freaking adorable my child looks in her new pink shirt. But I don't care about your brand new hair cut. Or your freshly painted nails. Or that you did your eye make up weird today. Now maybe you don't care that someone just got fired, but someone else does. Maybe facebook isnt the place to be complaining about every little thing in your life, but fact of the matter is that today facebook is how most people communicate maybe not with their best friends, or their mom. But with everyone else it is. I'm terrible for complaining about people posting about their personal lives. But now that I think about it, why else do I go on facebook? I don't look to see what someone had for lunch. I look to see if my friend graduated from university, to see if someone's kid took their first steps. I look to see if someone is newly engaged, or to give a bit of support to someone who is going through a break up.
So, why do we all put so much effort into shutting out "our friends"?
Someone once said to me "Sometimes you have to keep your opinions to yourself." Excuse me? Keep my opinions to myself? Now not once did I insult this person, not once did I tell them the best way to do something. I won't go into detail about why this comment was made to me, but it was uncalled for.
These things are being said repeatedly by everyone, to everyone. "Keep it off facebook" "It's not anyone's business but yours" "Keep your opinions to yourself" "You don't need to share every thought"
As most of you know, I'm notorious for speaking my mind. Do I share every thought? No, I don't. In fact, I'm alot more quiet then people think. When I say something I generally have a million other thoughts in my mind that don't come out for fear of offending someone. That being said. I also say things without thinking, and I regret it later. Because of this little habit of mine, many people have said to me "I wish I could speak my mind like you do."
There are people out there who are desperately unhappy because they are afraid to speak. They don't want to say that they don't want to do something, or see someone, there's people who are parenting their kids how they don't want to, because they wont speak up to say they don't want to do something. There's people out there who listen to things important to them be bashed, because they are afraid to stand up for things. There are people out there who know right from wrong, who wont say anything because they are afraid to be told exactly what I was told. To keep their opinions to themselves To keep it off facebook. It's not anyone's business You don't need to share every thought. So, my question is this. Who decided it's not acceptable to talk about things? Didn't we have people put their lives on the line, so we could have freedom of speech? Didn't we have people fight for our freedom? For acceptance? Weren't there people who fought for women's rights? For children's rights? For different races rights? And don't those rights include being able to speak up, and to do what you want, and what you don't want ? (abiding by law, of course.)
So naturally, after years and years of speaking my mind, and being told to shut up, and that my thoughts and my opinions don't matter, I shut up. How far did that get me? Well, I was accused of putting up a wall. Yes, a wall. Where did this theory come from? The fact that I wouldn't let a few people get close to me, because I wouldn't talk to them much. In reality, I don't talk to people I don't like. It's that simple. People who put up walls don't get engaged, have kids, have good friends, and so on. Anyway, back to the point. After being quiet, and being accused of putting up a wall, I was told "I don't even like you." As if it's a insult. Why is that a insult? If I don't like you, it's not because I want to hurt you, it's because we just don't get along. (In some cases, a few other factors come in) So why has not liking someone become a insult? Is that what people crave so badly? Has it become a popularity contest? Is that why we are telling people to keep things off facebook? Because we have tried so hard to be liked and be popular that we have added everyone we don't care about who doesn't care about us? Who is just there to make our number bigger? Is that why we don't speak our minds? Because there is always someone who is going to say something about you later? Does it all come back to how we feel about ourselves If no one else likes us, if we don't have 500 friends, then can we like ourselves? Is that why we so constantly try to break everyone else, by telling them that no one else should know their problems? And why is it that we don't care? Shouldn't we all care about everyone? There's few people I hate, but when I hate I really, really hate. I'd still do anything for them, because they are still people. And people shouldn't be hurt. And what hurts worse then anything? Being told you, and your thoughts aren't wanted.
So I'm opting for change. I'm as guilty as anyone in telling people to shut up, but I'm going to stop that, I'm going to embrace it when someone makes a whiney status. I'm going to offer support when someone asks for it, I'm going to give acceptance to everyone's opinion (actually something I've always done, don't always AGREE, but I try to accept, ya'll should too) and I'm going to encourage people to speak more about whats going on in their heads, and lives. There's no need for people to battle things alone, and whether someone out there reads this and they hate me or not, I dont care. If it gives someone something to gossip about , I don't care, and if someone sends love and support, then I thank them.
In the beginning of this post, I wrote "I have had my mind on other things, more important things". Part of wanting change, is being honest about the change your seeking, so here it is. My more important things have to do with money. Wholey crapola I'm broke. All I do is look for jobs, and do math. and try to figure out how to pay for things.
I'm going nuts. I sit at home all day and worry. I'm alone 99% of the time, and theres only so much baby babble you can listen to before you want to cry.
I'm over tired. I lay up at night and think, and I do things all day.
I've completely lost my relationship with my mother, and I will not get it back until I can figure out how willing I am to forgive.
All in all, life is sucking for me. So there it is, all my dirty laundry for everyone to see. Hopefully everyone will accept it, and take this as a realization that you don't need to go through things alone, that it's okay to talk about things, and it's okay to speak your mind, and ask for support. It's okay to admit everything is not perfect, it's okay to cry over facebook and admit you aren't as strong as people thing you are. It's okay to not care what people think. It's okay to let people know if your mad, or annoyed, or if you think they may be wrong. It's okay to add your two cents, and it's okay to piss people off. I'm sure there's more then a few people who have pissed you off. If it's worth it to stand up to someone, then do it.
You don't need to be best friends with everyone. You can walk away at any time, but no one should ever hear that their thoughts, and their lives don't matter.
THE END
I've been thinking alot lately about facebook. Oh facebook, the stem of all my problems and pissed offness. You see, I keep seeing these posts of people complaining about their lives, which then results in a whole crap load of people commenting and saying "stop posting these things on facebook". Which got me thinking about the baby book comments. "this isn't baby book. stop making constant posts about your kids". Which got me thinking about the entire point of facebook. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't facebook created so you can add your friends, keep in touch, and know what's going on in everyones lives? So maybe you don't care about how freaking adorable my child looks in her new pink shirt. But I don't care about your brand new hair cut. Or your freshly painted nails. Or that you did your eye make up weird today. Now maybe you don't care that someone just got fired, but someone else does. Maybe facebook isnt the place to be complaining about every little thing in your life, but fact of the matter is that today facebook is how most people communicate maybe not with their best friends, or their mom. But with everyone else it is. I'm terrible for complaining about people posting about their personal lives. But now that I think about it, why else do I go on facebook? I don't look to see what someone had for lunch. I look to see if my friend graduated from university, to see if someone's kid took their first steps. I look to see if someone is newly engaged, or to give a bit of support to someone who is going through a break up.
So, why do we all put so much effort into shutting out "our friends"?
Someone once said to me "Sometimes you have to keep your opinions to yourself." Excuse me? Keep my opinions to myself? Now not once did I insult this person, not once did I tell them the best way to do something. I won't go into detail about why this comment was made to me, but it was uncalled for.
These things are being said repeatedly by everyone, to everyone. "Keep it off facebook" "It's not anyone's business but yours" "Keep your opinions to yourself" "You don't need to share every thought"
As most of you know, I'm notorious for speaking my mind. Do I share every thought? No, I don't. In fact, I'm alot more quiet then people think. When I say something I generally have a million other thoughts in my mind that don't come out for fear of offending someone. That being said. I also say things without thinking, and I regret it later. Because of this little habit of mine, many people have said to me "I wish I could speak my mind like you do."
There are people out there who are desperately unhappy because they are afraid to speak. They don't want to say that they don't want to do something, or see someone, there's people who are parenting their kids how they don't want to, because they wont speak up to say they don't want to do something. There's people out there who listen to things important to them be bashed, because they are afraid to stand up for things. There are people out there who know right from wrong, who wont say anything because they are afraid to be told exactly what I was told. To keep their opinions to themselves To keep it off facebook. It's not anyone's business You don't need to share every thought. So, my question is this. Who decided it's not acceptable to talk about things? Didn't we have people put their lives on the line, so we could have freedom of speech? Didn't we have people fight for our freedom? For acceptance? Weren't there people who fought for women's rights? For children's rights? For different races rights? And don't those rights include being able to speak up, and to do what you want, and what you don't want ? (abiding by law, of course.)
So naturally, after years and years of speaking my mind, and being told to shut up, and that my thoughts and my opinions don't matter, I shut up. How far did that get me? Well, I was accused of putting up a wall. Yes, a wall. Where did this theory come from? The fact that I wouldn't let a few people get close to me, because I wouldn't talk to them much. In reality, I don't talk to people I don't like. It's that simple. People who put up walls don't get engaged, have kids, have good friends, and so on. Anyway, back to the point. After being quiet, and being accused of putting up a wall, I was told "I don't even like you." As if it's a insult. Why is that a insult? If I don't like you, it's not because I want to hurt you, it's because we just don't get along. (In some cases, a few other factors come in) So why has not liking someone become a insult? Is that what people crave so badly? Has it become a popularity contest? Is that why we are telling people to keep things off facebook? Because we have tried so hard to be liked and be popular that we have added everyone we don't care about who doesn't care about us? Who is just there to make our number bigger? Is that why we don't speak our minds? Because there is always someone who is going to say something about you later? Does it all come back to how we feel about ourselves If no one else likes us, if we don't have 500 friends, then can we like ourselves? Is that why we so constantly try to break everyone else, by telling them that no one else should know their problems? And why is it that we don't care? Shouldn't we all care about everyone? There's few people I hate, but when I hate I really, really hate. I'd still do anything for them, because they are still people. And people shouldn't be hurt. And what hurts worse then anything? Being told you, and your thoughts aren't wanted.
So I'm opting for change. I'm as guilty as anyone in telling people to shut up, but I'm going to stop that, I'm going to embrace it when someone makes a whiney status. I'm going to offer support when someone asks for it, I'm going to give acceptance to everyone's opinion (actually something I've always done, don't always AGREE, but I try to accept, ya'll should too) and I'm going to encourage people to speak more about whats going on in their heads, and lives. There's no need for people to battle things alone, and whether someone out there reads this and they hate me or not, I dont care. If it gives someone something to gossip about , I don't care, and if someone sends love and support, then I thank them.
In the beginning of this post, I wrote "I have had my mind on other things, more important things". Part of wanting change, is being honest about the change your seeking, so here it is. My more important things have to do with money. Wholey crapola I'm broke. All I do is look for jobs, and do math. and try to figure out how to pay for things.
I'm going nuts. I sit at home all day and worry. I'm alone 99% of the time, and theres only so much baby babble you can listen to before you want to cry.
I'm over tired. I lay up at night and think, and I do things all day.
I've completely lost my relationship with my mother, and I will not get it back until I can figure out how willing I am to forgive.
All in all, life is sucking for me. So there it is, all my dirty laundry for everyone to see. Hopefully everyone will accept it, and take this as a realization that you don't need to go through things alone, that it's okay to talk about things, and it's okay to speak your mind, and ask for support. It's okay to admit everything is not perfect, it's okay to cry over facebook and admit you aren't as strong as people thing you are. It's okay to not care what people think. It's okay to let people know if your mad, or annoyed, or if you think they may be wrong. It's okay to add your two cents, and it's okay to piss people off. I'm sure there's more then a few people who have pissed you off. If it's worth it to stand up to someone, then do it.
You don't need to be best friends with everyone. You can walk away at any time, but no one should ever hear that their thoughts, and their lives don't matter.
THE END
Sunday, 30 December 2012
December 2012
Youll have to excuse my typos today as I am using my tablet and its a pain in the butt to type on.
Anyway. its the end of december and as you all know this was the first month of my 13 month goal. this month was focusing on thinking people are less stupid and trying to see the good in them more. i am sure you can all imagine from my wording that this has not gone overly well.
on the plus. ive figured out why i have such trouble seeing the good in people. its because people really ARE that stupid. im a very intuitive person. ive never liked someone and they turn out to be crappy. ive never disliked a good person. i know when someone is shit and most people are shit. its not a matter of i dont like anyone at all. if that were the case i wouls be single and have no friends. im impeccably good at picking out a liar, i know when someone tries to hard to be perfect, i despise when people are cocky, and i know when someone is a people pleaser. and those are the worst. ive just described about 95 percent of the world. and thats why i cant see the good in people, because i am ABLE to see the stupid.
ive said it before and ill say it again. im not perfect. never will be. which is why i have such a small group of friends. i hang around people like me. we can all openly tell eachother when we are being dumb or wrong or a bitch and move on. nothing gets held back and no feelngs get hurt. its real. ill say whats on my mind and it drives me nuts when people pout about it.
im not saying im better or smarter then other people here. im just different. everyone is different. and if everyone wants to go through life being "fooled" by people trying to be perfect then that is awesome for them. but i chose to live a different style.
so, in conclusion. i did not complete my goal for the month. but i dont think i failed. i just learned. i learned why i see people how i do and why i dont get along well with some people. i learned that i dont need to see the good in people because if there is bad then i dont want them in my life anyway. i learned to trust myself. and i learned to be more confident in my choices towards people (which falls into month 13...double whammy !)
all in all im still bitter. but i appreciate myself and my friends and family more. id LOVE to write more about this but like i said, tablet.
side note - after i write these this i usally get a few questions from all of you. id like to do a ask and answer post. all questions will be posted as anon. and if you have any topics youd like me to write about let me know ! till next time folks...
Sunday, 2 December 2012
Homeless people.
Something I am quite passionate about is homeless people. Having been there myself, I am very aware of how awful people can be to someone without a home. I'm not sure why people think they have a god given right to treat someone like crap just because they don't have a bed to sleep in, but it is ridiculous. Now I'm not saying everyone should jump off their couch and go give the first person on the streets they see twenty bucks, but a little bit of compassion can go a long, long way.
Picture this. It's December, Christmas is coming up, it's -30 degrees outside, and by some odd chance someone was feeling generous and gave you a couch to sleep on for one night. Their house is on the edge of the down. Come morning you have to leave, you have no money, no clothes, and most likely you don't even have a wallet with i.d. You know the closest homeless shelter, or food bank is downtown, which is a 6 hour walk from where you are. You have three options, you can illegally hop on the transit system, risking the chance of a ticket you can't pay, which would mean you get to have a warrant for your arrest, go to jail, and have a criminal record. You can walk downtown, get frost bite, and have no idea if the place you are going even has room for you. Or you can ask some strangers for some change to either get something to eat, or hop on the train and get where you need to go. Most likely you're gonna ask someone for the change. 9 out of the ten people you ask are going to tell you to get a job, give you a dirty look, or yell at you. That tenth person is going to lie and apologize and say they don't have any change on them. You are now stranded, left with two horrible options, and feeling like a disgrace. Your embarrassed shamed, depressed, and worst of all, cold and hungry. And believe it or not, if those 9 people would have just been nice to you, you're day would have been turned around. They didn't have to give you money, but hope that the human race is able to treat others with respect.
Granted, not all homeless people are really just looking for some help, or someone to be nice. Sure alot of them are looking for that next high, or bottle of booze. But how do you know ? And frankly, they arent going to be doing drugs and passing out on your couch. You don't know what just happened in their lives. And they are going to be spending that night on the streets, that bottle of booze is going to help take the edge off. I don't really support giving anyone money for alcohol or drugs, what I'm saying is, just be nice. Theres no need to call anyone disgusting, or yell at them for begging for money. You don't know that the person who looks like a crack head hasn't cleaned up and is just looking for some help. You have no idea how hard it is to get out of the homeless situation.
Get a job? Good advice....This guy has to find a place to shower, shave, be able to afford new clothes, travel to places that he is going to apply too, make and print a resume, and then keep up the effort day after day until he gets a job. Then he has to keep it up until he gets a few pay checks and is able to afford a place to live, THEN he has to provide references from past landlords...(wait? past landlords? this guy was homeless) All of this is very easy to type, but incredibly hard to do. Yeah sure, some people are able to do it, in fact, ANYONE can do it, given they are determined enough. Unfortunately given their current situation, they probably feel like giving up before even starting.
It's not your job to help all the poor people in the world, it's not your job to tell them how to fix their situation. You aren't going to open your home to these people who need a hand, so why do you think it's okay to call them bums? To tell them they are lazy? To refuse them the right to eat something? It's so easy to judge them while you are sitting in your warm home after having a big meal.
Okay okay. Right now your all saying "but amber, theres a ton of resources for people who need help, theres homeless shelters, theres offices to help with resumes, theres places to go to get food, to get set up in affordable housing." Sure are. Generally, the wait for affordable housing is about 7 years. And all those resources well how did you hear about them? The internet ? T.V? Maybe someone you work with? Do these sound like things a homeless person has at their disposal? Can you ramble off the names and addresses for places to help homeless people? I sure can't. And fact is, most of these people don't even know where to start to find a place like this. You can think with common sense, homeless people usually don't. Not because they are stupid, because they are overwhelmed. So much wrong has happened in their lives, and they are so scared, that they are usually unable to figure out where to start. I've never heard a homeless person ask me for fifty bucks, or if they can move into my house. But I don't think it's a stretch to give them those two dimes in my pocket. Or donate to a food bank, or at least say "no, sorry I can't help. But good luck"
I'd love to see some of you live on the streets for a week. You're entire view on life would change.
End. Rant.
Picture this. It's December, Christmas is coming up, it's -30 degrees outside, and by some odd chance someone was feeling generous and gave you a couch to sleep on for one night. Their house is on the edge of the down. Come morning you have to leave, you have no money, no clothes, and most likely you don't even have a wallet with i.d. You know the closest homeless shelter, or food bank is downtown, which is a 6 hour walk from where you are. You have three options, you can illegally hop on the transit system, risking the chance of a ticket you can't pay, which would mean you get to have a warrant for your arrest, go to jail, and have a criminal record. You can walk downtown, get frost bite, and have no idea if the place you are going even has room for you. Or you can ask some strangers for some change to either get something to eat, or hop on the train and get where you need to go. Most likely you're gonna ask someone for the change. 9 out of the ten people you ask are going to tell you to get a job, give you a dirty look, or yell at you. That tenth person is going to lie and apologize and say they don't have any change on them. You are now stranded, left with two horrible options, and feeling like a disgrace. Your embarrassed shamed, depressed, and worst of all, cold and hungry. And believe it or not, if those 9 people would have just been nice to you, you're day would have been turned around. They didn't have to give you money, but hope that the human race is able to treat others with respect.
Granted, not all homeless people are really just looking for some help, or someone to be nice. Sure alot of them are looking for that next high, or bottle of booze. But how do you know ? And frankly, they arent going to be doing drugs and passing out on your couch. You don't know what just happened in their lives. And they are going to be spending that night on the streets, that bottle of booze is going to help take the edge off. I don't really support giving anyone money for alcohol or drugs, what I'm saying is, just be nice. Theres no need to call anyone disgusting, or yell at them for begging for money. You don't know that the person who looks like a crack head hasn't cleaned up and is just looking for some help. You have no idea how hard it is to get out of the homeless situation.
Get a job? Good advice....This guy has to find a place to shower, shave, be able to afford new clothes, travel to places that he is going to apply too, make and print a resume, and then keep up the effort day after day until he gets a job. Then he has to keep it up until he gets a few pay checks and is able to afford a place to live, THEN he has to provide references from past landlords...(wait? past landlords? this guy was homeless) All of this is very easy to type, but incredibly hard to do. Yeah sure, some people are able to do it, in fact, ANYONE can do it, given they are determined enough. Unfortunately given their current situation, they probably feel like giving up before even starting.
It's not your job to help all the poor people in the world, it's not your job to tell them how to fix their situation. You aren't going to open your home to these people who need a hand, so why do you think it's okay to call them bums? To tell them they are lazy? To refuse them the right to eat something? It's so easy to judge them while you are sitting in your warm home after having a big meal.
Okay okay. Right now your all saying "but amber, theres a ton of resources for people who need help, theres homeless shelters, theres offices to help with resumes, theres places to go to get food, to get set up in affordable housing." Sure are. Generally, the wait for affordable housing is about 7 years. And all those resources well how did you hear about them? The internet ? T.V? Maybe someone you work with? Do these sound like things a homeless person has at their disposal? Can you ramble off the names and addresses for places to help homeless people? I sure can't. And fact is, most of these people don't even know where to start to find a place like this. You can think with common sense, homeless people usually don't. Not because they are stupid, because they are overwhelmed. So much wrong has happened in their lives, and they are so scared, that they are usually unable to figure out where to start. I've never heard a homeless person ask me for fifty bucks, or if they can move into my house. But I don't think it's a stretch to give them those two dimes in my pocket. Or donate to a food bank, or at least say "no, sorry I can't help. But good luck"
I'd love to see some of you live on the streets for a week. You're entire view on life would change.
End. Rant.
Friday, 30 November 2012
Offensive.
As of tomorrow I will be starting my 13 month better myself goal. Which means I'm going to make a effort to be nicer to people. SO before I start, I'm going to let out all my rude, offensive, insensitive opinions.
To parents :
I do not care if your baby is a week old, or 30 years old. You do NOT know every single thing there is about parenting. It just annoys people when you post constant pictures and explanations about how to do things. Yes we all know not to put windex in our kids food. We are all aware that babies go in car seats. We get it. Shut up about it. Also, YOUR way of parenting is right for YOU. Doesn't make it right all together. Stop forcing your parenting beliefs down others throats.
To people offering me repetitive parenting advice.
It is no secret that I do not take advice well, I do ask for advice from time to time but other then that, I'd rather not receive it. Usually I have no problem shrugging it off and ignoring you, but when it is repetitive things I get annoyed. Loganne is almost 16 months old, if I've never taken your cry it out advice, I'm not going to start, If I havnt taken your cloth diaper advice, or your baby food advice, your breast feeding, formula, teething tips, whatever else advice, I'm not going to. Stop bringing up the same shitty ideas over and over again. Once is enough. Drop it.
KEVIN and MYSELF are Logannes parents. US and only US are responsible for raising her, WE get to make the choices for her. You don't get to have a say in how I dress her, what I feed her, what I do with her, what I teach her, when I put her to bed, how I handle situations. etc. It is none of your concern. And frankly, no one even has the right to ask us how we do things, unless asking for advice. If you are part of our lives your only role is to enjoy her, laugh with her, play with her, spoil her. Not raise her. IF you want a child to raise, have your own.
Less parenting, more life -
Weight issues.
Anyone who has ever eaten with me has asked how I stay so skinny. It's not rocket science. Look at my plate. I have mostly salad on it. I don't eat desert. And I don't sit on my ass all day and eat cookies. If you wanna lose weight stop eating like a overweight person. You don't need to make a cake just because. You shouldnt be eating a tub of ice cream at nine o clock at night. And mcdonalds shouldn't happen every day.I get up. I move. I eat healthy. If you are sitting in front of me eating a bag of chips and complaining about how your pants are too tight, I will have no sympathy. Know why it's so hard to lose weight? Cause people try too hard to do it. You all go on these crazy diets and start insane excersize programs and get tired of it in a month. You don't have to join a gym and live off lettus. You can just get up and clean your house and eat a chocolate bar, just don't go crazy. 90 % rule - be healthy and active 90% of the time. Cheat and be unhealthy and lazy when you want to. Just not every freaking day.
Facebook
K. you're having a bad day. Fine. Call or text someone. You don't need to alert 900 people that someone just sneezed on you. Fuck. I hate facebook. I'm on it to share Loganne updates with her family. Other then that it's just a bunch of whiney people looking for sympathy. No one really cares that you don't want to work this weekend. I post things like how tired I am or something, and guess what, it gets no comments or likes, cause NO ONE CARES. Facebook is not your therapist. If you have something to complain about, I'm sure you have a friend or family member to talk too. If you don't then you need to get off facebook and go meet someone. Also - yeah yeah yeah. Kids are being bullied and animals are being abused. WE KNOW. Go do something about it, posting it on facebook isn't doing anything.
Self obsorbed people.
Yes. Everyone likes to talk about themselves and their kids. I do, you do, EVERYONE DOES. But that doesn't mean thats all you should talk about. Really, I don't care if you have a stuffy nose and your baby just smiled for the hundredth time today. I'll talk about you and your kid for a while, sure. I like to know whats going on in my friends lives. But every. single. day. all. day. is way too much. Theres other things in the world to talk about. And by the way, after I listen to four hours about what your kid did today, it's manners to ask about mine.
This one is EXTRA harsh.
If you are looking for kevin, wondering about kevin, wanting to make plans with kevin, have something to say to kevin, speak to kevin. I'm not your mediator. If you want me, then talk to me. But I'm not here to relay messages to kevin. Also - If I do something you don't like, remember this. Say it to me. You don't need to be texting/messaging kevin about me. Trust me. I have no problem "resolving" any issues you have with me.
Me being nice to you is a honor. Don't abuse the priviledge. If I find that you have said something about me, or treat me in a disrespectful way, do not be suprised and play victim when I am a total cunt to you.
Mind games.
I am very familiar with the "he said she said" talk behind your back but play nice to your face kind of games. It's a part of everyones life whether you want to admit it or not. I don't play these games. But if you want to start a game, I will play it better. Fair warning.
I've been extremely nice to people lately, more so then I should be. Lately I've taken alot of shit and I'm not thrilled about it. My next 13 months is about being nicer to people and being a better person. This blog post is so I can absolutely PISS OFF anyone who I should not have involved in my life, so you can all be offended and go away. If you so chose to stick around and I have offended you, then you are more then welcome to message me about this and we can absolutely go through every point I have made until we can hopefully resolve whatever issues there may be. Other then that, I'm done being nice to people who do not deserve it.
To parents :
I do not care if your baby is a week old, or 30 years old. You do NOT know every single thing there is about parenting. It just annoys people when you post constant pictures and explanations about how to do things. Yes we all know not to put windex in our kids food. We are all aware that babies go in car seats. We get it. Shut up about it. Also, YOUR way of parenting is right for YOU. Doesn't make it right all together. Stop forcing your parenting beliefs down others throats.
To people offering me repetitive parenting advice.
It is no secret that I do not take advice well, I do ask for advice from time to time but other then that, I'd rather not receive it. Usually I have no problem shrugging it off and ignoring you, but when it is repetitive things I get annoyed. Loganne is almost 16 months old, if I've never taken your cry it out advice, I'm not going to start, If I havnt taken your cloth diaper advice, or your baby food advice, your breast feeding, formula, teething tips, whatever else advice, I'm not going to. Stop bringing up the same shitty ideas over and over again. Once is enough. Drop it.
KEVIN and MYSELF are Logannes parents. US and only US are responsible for raising her, WE get to make the choices for her. You don't get to have a say in how I dress her, what I feed her, what I do with her, what I teach her, when I put her to bed, how I handle situations. etc. It is none of your concern. And frankly, no one even has the right to ask us how we do things, unless asking for advice. If you are part of our lives your only role is to enjoy her, laugh with her, play with her, spoil her. Not raise her. IF you want a child to raise, have your own.
Less parenting, more life -
Weight issues.
Anyone who has ever eaten with me has asked how I stay so skinny. It's not rocket science. Look at my plate. I have mostly salad on it. I don't eat desert. And I don't sit on my ass all day and eat cookies. If you wanna lose weight stop eating like a overweight person. You don't need to make a cake just because. You shouldnt be eating a tub of ice cream at nine o clock at night. And mcdonalds shouldn't happen every day.I get up. I move. I eat healthy. If you are sitting in front of me eating a bag of chips and complaining about how your pants are too tight, I will have no sympathy. Know why it's so hard to lose weight? Cause people try too hard to do it. You all go on these crazy diets and start insane excersize programs and get tired of it in a month. You don't have to join a gym and live off lettus. You can just get up and clean your house and eat a chocolate bar, just don't go crazy. 90 % rule - be healthy and active 90% of the time. Cheat and be unhealthy and lazy when you want to. Just not every freaking day.
K. you're having a bad day. Fine. Call or text someone. You don't need to alert 900 people that someone just sneezed on you. Fuck. I hate facebook. I'm on it to share Loganne updates with her family. Other then that it's just a bunch of whiney people looking for sympathy. No one really cares that you don't want to work this weekend. I post things like how tired I am or something, and guess what, it gets no comments or likes, cause NO ONE CARES. Facebook is not your therapist. If you have something to complain about, I'm sure you have a friend or family member to talk too. If you don't then you need to get off facebook and go meet someone. Also - yeah yeah yeah. Kids are being bullied and animals are being abused. WE KNOW. Go do something about it, posting it on facebook isn't doing anything.
Self obsorbed people.
Yes. Everyone likes to talk about themselves and their kids. I do, you do, EVERYONE DOES. But that doesn't mean thats all you should talk about. Really, I don't care if you have a stuffy nose and your baby just smiled for the hundredth time today. I'll talk about you and your kid for a while, sure. I like to know whats going on in my friends lives. But every. single. day. all. day. is way too much. Theres other things in the world to talk about. And by the way, after I listen to four hours about what your kid did today, it's manners to ask about mine.
This one is EXTRA harsh.
If you are looking for kevin, wondering about kevin, wanting to make plans with kevin, have something to say to kevin, speak to kevin. I'm not your mediator. If you want me, then talk to me. But I'm not here to relay messages to kevin. Also - If I do something you don't like, remember this. Say it to me. You don't need to be texting/messaging kevin about me. Trust me. I have no problem "resolving" any issues you have with me.
Me being nice to you is a honor. Don't abuse the priviledge. If I find that you have said something about me, or treat me in a disrespectful way, do not be suprised and play victim when I am a total cunt to you.
Mind games.
I am very familiar with the "he said she said" talk behind your back but play nice to your face kind of games. It's a part of everyones life whether you want to admit it or not. I don't play these games. But if you want to start a game, I will play it better. Fair warning.
I've been extremely nice to people lately, more so then I should be. Lately I've taken alot of shit and I'm not thrilled about it. My next 13 months is about being nicer to people and being a better person. This blog post is so I can absolutely PISS OFF anyone who I should not have involved in my life, so you can all be offended and go away. If you so chose to stick around and I have offended you, then you are more then welcome to message me about this and we can absolutely go through every point I have made until we can hopefully resolve whatever issues there may be. Other then that, I'm done being nice to people who do not deserve it.
Thursday, 22 November 2012
Ambition.
It's quite often that I have days when I'm all like "woah man. life altering thought. I'm gonna change everything about myself and be better !" Then a few days go by and I'm like "eff it." WELL THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT.
At one point in time I was all bubbly and friendly and loved everyone....most of you are laughing right now but I swear it's true haha. Why I changed isn't important, the fact is that I changed. While I am impeccably happy with the person I am, I also enjoyed qualities about myself that I used to have. So over the course of this next year I am going to try to implement some of those old qualities. I'm not really going to "change" things about me - as that is not my goal. I'm more looking to enhance the good things about myself and make them more apparent to others. I will do this month to month. Since it is only November right now I will do a 13 month timeline. The goals shall go as followed
December of 2012 - I will ATTEMPT (this is capitalized because this is going to be a incredibly difficult thing for me to do, but it must be done before I am able to move on.) to stop focusing on how stupid people are and try to concentrate on the good things about each individual.
January of 2013 - Less sarcasm. This goes with the previous month, I will continue to use sarcasm as a form of good humour, I will be using it less in the form of making fun of people.
Febuary of 2013 - Another difficult one, as I am torn on how to accomplish this goal. As you all know I am an incredibly opinionated person, and I openly voice those opinions whether people want to hear them or not. I was not born this way, it's something I acquired throughout my life, and at certain points in my life it was absolutely vital that I voiced each and every opinion I had, now it's a way for me to fight with people as my opinions very rarely match other peoples opinions. My goal is this - I'm not going to change my opinions, I'm not going to stop voicing my opinions. But I am going to to hold back some opinions that I know will offend some people (an example is my opinion on abortions, it's a touchy subject, and if I know it will hurt someone or cause an argument I will simply hold back from blurting it out.)
March of 2013 - Argue less. The best way for me to describe my reasoning for this one is I like to be right. So if I can argue any point you make so I can be right, I will argue it. I'd like to stop this habit I need to learn to let-go of winning everything and just be comfortable with whatever people think or say.
April of 2013 - This may not make sense to alot of people, but I am going to start being mean. It doesn't always come across this way but often I feel the need to make sure everyone is happy, so I go out of my way to do things for them I don't really want to do. In other words, I'm going to say no alot. This is will be a drastic change for me as it's in my nature to generally go with the flow, which has been fine and usually is a good quality to have, but lately people have been walking all over me. When I say no, I mean no folks. This is not a goal I wish to keep forever, but I do need to implement it in my life. After I've accomplished it I will then work on finding a happy in-between.
May of 2013 - Talk less do more. I genuinely want to be more involved in worlds issues, I often say I want to donate to a cause, or volunteer for another cause. My goal for this month is to actually do it - not just say it.
June of 2013 - Talk more, do less. I need to figure out how to stop acting the most smart, the most funny, the most caring, etc. I want to talk more to show how I really am smart, and funny and caring and all that other good stuff. If I'm acting a way that people don't understand it doesn't do much good. But if I can make them understand things about me with my words, then I feel I'm moving in the right direction.
July of 2013 - Get more excited about things. the words "have to" show up in my vocabulary alot. "I have to put loganne to bed. I have to go grocery shopping. I have to check the mail." All incredibly simple things that most people would never think twice about - but the fact is these things are all I have in my life as a stay at home mom. Maybe something good will be in the mail. I GET TO cuddle with loganne till she is asleep. I get to go and pick out delicious things from the grocery store. Life should be fun, not a list of things I can't get out of.
August of 2013 - This is my birthday month, so I've decided to use this month to be less greedy. falling into the month of May, I'd like to do things such as ask people to give money to charities for my birthday, I want to compliment others more and make them feel special, and focus less on what it is I want.
September of 2013 - Back to school month. At this point in time (i mean right now) It's hard for me to focus on my career and educational goals, because money is tight and I have a young daughter and because kevin is in school. In September it is unrealistic to say I'll be done my school and working. But I want to have every plan and detail worked out for when I am able to start that part of my life.
October of 2013 - I want to use this month to find ways to improve my relationships with people, whether it is already a good relationship or not. Ie Kevin, my mom, my mother and father in-law, my brothers, and old friends of mine.
November of 2013 - Stop fixing things. I'm awful to bring a problem too because I need to fix it. I've never had the type of life to sit and just complain about something. I've always been in situations where I needed to fix it. I don't want to fix things anymore - the worlds problems are not MY problems.
December of 2013 - The final and most important month. I left this for last because at this time, it is the last goal I have for myself, and it is not limited to December of 2013, I hope this quality will go on through out my life, even if the others disappear again. I want to be more comfortable with me. I don't mean my body, or my clothes or anything like that, just in general as a person. I want to be happy with choices I make. With activities I do, things I eat, things I say, and everything else amber related. In other words, be more confident.
This is alot to cram into 13 months. And I'm incredibly stubborn, so to think I can accomplish these things in a month each is a bit of a stretch. I've timed these things in the months they are in so I can carry-on these qualities throughout the year and years to come. I don't want to promise myself to lose weight or quit smoking or something like that, that no one ever succeeds in. I want to really better myself beneath the surface and ultimately be the type of person I want my daughter to be. I welcome all to join me on these upcoming months and try to implement some of these changes in yourself as well.
At one point in time I was all bubbly and friendly and loved everyone....most of you are laughing right now but I swear it's true haha. Why I changed isn't important, the fact is that I changed. While I am impeccably happy with the person I am, I also enjoyed qualities about myself that I used to have. So over the course of this next year I am going to try to implement some of those old qualities. I'm not really going to "change" things about me - as that is not my goal. I'm more looking to enhance the good things about myself and make them more apparent to others. I will do this month to month. Since it is only November right now I will do a 13 month timeline. The goals shall go as followed
December of 2012 - I will ATTEMPT (this is capitalized because this is going to be a incredibly difficult thing for me to do, but it must be done before I am able to move on.) to stop focusing on how stupid people are and try to concentrate on the good things about each individual.
January of 2013 - Less sarcasm. This goes with the previous month, I will continue to use sarcasm as a form of good humour, I will be using it less in the form of making fun of people.
Febuary of 2013 - Another difficult one, as I am torn on how to accomplish this goal. As you all know I am an incredibly opinionated person, and I openly voice those opinions whether people want to hear them or not. I was not born this way, it's something I acquired throughout my life, and at certain points in my life it was absolutely vital that I voiced each and every opinion I had, now it's a way for me to fight with people as my opinions very rarely match other peoples opinions. My goal is this - I'm not going to change my opinions, I'm not going to stop voicing my opinions. But I am going to to hold back some opinions that I know will offend some people (an example is my opinion on abortions, it's a touchy subject, and if I know it will hurt someone or cause an argument I will simply hold back from blurting it out.)
March of 2013 - Argue less. The best way for me to describe my reasoning for this one is I like to be right. So if I can argue any point you make so I can be right, I will argue it. I'd like to stop this habit I need to learn to let-go of winning everything and just be comfortable with whatever people think or say.
April of 2013 - This may not make sense to alot of people, but I am going to start being mean. It doesn't always come across this way but often I feel the need to make sure everyone is happy, so I go out of my way to do things for them I don't really want to do. In other words, I'm going to say no alot. This is will be a drastic change for me as it's in my nature to generally go with the flow, which has been fine and usually is a good quality to have, but lately people have been walking all over me. When I say no, I mean no folks. This is not a goal I wish to keep forever, but I do need to implement it in my life. After I've accomplished it I will then work on finding a happy in-between.
May of 2013 - Talk less do more. I genuinely want to be more involved in worlds issues, I often say I want to donate to a cause, or volunteer for another cause. My goal for this month is to actually do it - not just say it.
June of 2013 - Talk more, do less. I need to figure out how to stop acting the most smart, the most funny, the most caring, etc. I want to talk more to show how I really am smart, and funny and caring and all that other good stuff. If I'm acting a way that people don't understand it doesn't do much good. But if I can make them understand things about me with my words, then I feel I'm moving in the right direction.
July of 2013 - Get more excited about things. the words "have to" show up in my vocabulary alot. "I have to put loganne to bed. I have to go grocery shopping. I have to check the mail." All incredibly simple things that most people would never think twice about - but the fact is these things are all I have in my life as a stay at home mom. Maybe something good will be in the mail. I GET TO cuddle with loganne till she is asleep. I get to go and pick out delicious things from the grocery store. Life should be fun, not a list of things I can't get out of.
August of 2013 - This is my birthday month, so I've decided to use this month to be less greedy. falling into the month of May, I'd like to do things such as ask people to give money to charities for my birthday, I want to compliment others more and make them feel special, and focus less on what it is I want.
September of 2013 - Back to school month. At this point in time (i mean right now) It's hard for me to focus on my career and educational goals, because money is tight and I have a young daughter and because kevin is in school. In September it is unrealistic to say I'll be done my school and working. But I want to have every plan and detail worked out for when I am able to start that part of my life.
October of 2013 - I want to use this month to find ways to improve my relationships with people, whether it is already a good relationship or not. Ie Kevin, my mom, my mother and father in-law, my brothers, and old friends of mine.
November of 2013 - Stop fixing things. I'm awful to bring a problem too because I need to fix it. I've never had the type of life to sit and just complain about something. I've always been in situations where I needed to fix it. I don't want to fix things anymore - the worlds problems are not MY problems.
December of 2013 - The final and most important month. I left this for last because at this time, it is the last goal I have for myself, and it is not limited to December of 2013, I hope this quality will go on through out my life, even if the others disappear again. I want to be more comfortable with me. I don't mean my body, or my clothes or anything like that, just in general as a person. I want to be happy with choices I make. With activities I do, things I eat, things I say, and everything else amber related. In other words, be more confident.
This is alot to cram into 13 months. And I'm incredibly stubborn, so to think I can accomplish these things in a month each is a bit of a stretch. I've timed these things in the months they are in so I can carry-on these qualities throughout the year and years to come. I don't want to promise myself to lose weight or quit smoking or something like that, that no one ever succeeds in. I want to really better myself beneath the surface and ultimately be the type of person I want my daughter to be. I welcome all to join me on these upcoming months and try to implement some of these changes in yourself as well.
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