Short, about smoking DOPE

I'm sure its not just me who see's people posting pro-marijuana things alllll the time. It's on facebook. Twitter. Youtube. Whatever other websites. My friends do it. People in my family do it. Strangers on the street do it.
Oh, I'm not talking about the act of smoking marijuana, I'm talking about justifying smoking marijuana.

I get it, you all want pot to be legalized. You think it's so great. And nothing bad has ever come of smoking pot. Blah. Blah. Blah, before I go on, I wanna say your hundred million gazillion posts on facebook aren't doing anything, aside from annoying me. Go like protest or something...outside, away from the computer. K thanks.

Anyway, back to the point.
For a example, my younger brother is a prime example of this particular group of people. The "yay lets all go smoke a joint and have our cancer cured cause pot is so wonderful" kinda people. The "we can all get along if we just giggled and smoke outta our bong" type of people. And of course  The "nothing bad has EVER come from smoking pot. It's so good for you !" kind of people. Shhhuuuttttt uuuuppppp.

I'm sure by now just about everyone has heard of this recent study the wonderful university called Harvard has done. If not, I'll enlighten you. Harvard has completed a study done on mice, that showed that tumours have been reduced from the use of marijuana. No where does it PROVE that it will reduce tumours in humans, or remove them, but whatever. I'll humor everyone and go along with this. Prior to this study, marijuana has been used to reduce pain for medical reasons. Just a fyi. At this point I will throw out there that I don't smoke pot, I have ofcourse attempted it, never much liked it, and there for don't do it. I have not spent my life researching it, trying to make it sound good or bad, honestly, i could not care less if you smoke it or not. But I do think if you are going to engage in any activity, you should know the facts.

1) Marijuana has been PROVEN to cause testicular cancer, particularly in young men ( obviously men, but yeah, more young then old) ... At least the mice have smaller tumours.

2) Lung cancer. Oh yes. It certainly has been PROVEN to cause lung cancer. It's not a matter of if either folks, much like cigarettes, it's a matter of when. Don't bother arguing this. I am well aware that after quitting smoking your lungs return to pink and blah blah blah, doesn't mean lung cancer isn't happening in 50 years.

3) Weight gain. Obviously. Btw, I don't know many people who "munch" on celery after lighting up that bowl. So I'm gonna throw diabetes into this mix

Most importantly,

 4) Brain damage. Seriously guys. It happens. Not to everyone, in fact it's rare. but it happens. I guarantee you can walk into any hospital, and go onto any psych ward, and there is AT LEAST one person who has never smoked a cigarette, drank any alcohol, or done any drug, and has ONLY smoked marijuana and is now sitting like a vegetable  Not laced, just plain old pot. Not a excessive amount. But not a joint a year either. It happens people.

On that note, I'm positive I have missed alot. I'm sure I will be informed of many benefits of pot. And I'm sure every point I have made will be argued. But seriously people, it IS illegal for more reasons then taxes.


also - I'm just gonna add. It smells really bad. And is a useless cost of money.


ps - I get paid if ya'll click those adds on my blog. KAY THANKS !

Some people I tell ya.

I do not know what the sudden epidemic is with people thinking you HAVE to be a certain age to have children, but it is pissing me off.

Over the last few days I have seen way to many status' on facebook saying things like "thank god I don't have kids"
"Am I the only one our age with no kids yet"
"Having kids before x age is throwing away your youth"


LIKE SERIOUSLY GUYS?!

Maybe I'm just dumb, or maybe just no one told me, but I had NO clue that you have to be a certain age to have kids. I know some people who got pregnant at 15 and are amazing parents. I also know some 40 year old moms who probably shouldn't be around any kids at all. Whether you plan to get pregnant or not is irrelevant. Personally, I am way happier being a mom, then I ever was before I got pregnant.

Youth? really? thats your excuse? I know I wake up everyday EXCITED to play with my daughter. In my mind waking up hungover is not enjoying your YOUTH. I enjoy my youth by being able to run around and actively play with Loganne. When I go to bed at night I'm excited to wake up and see her beautiful face, I don't think about what embarrassing thing I did while I was drunk. I never wake up to a stranger and think "what have I done". I don't grit my teeth and suffer through a week just to go to a bar on a friday night. I enjoy every day I have, I have a sense of fulfilment, I get rewarded everyday by hugs and kisses and pure love. Every day I live is filled with laughter and love. I'm young, but I'm young enough to know I'll be dancing at my grand childrens weddings, I know I'll have enough energy to walk Loganne to school. I'm young enough to enjoy a large amount of Logannes life. When I look back to when I'm twenty something, I'm gonna remember how happy I was when Loganne took her first steps, and said mom for the first time. I'm not gonna think about how I can't remember anything because of that bottle of booze.

As for everything else, I get to go to the zoo now, I get to trick or treat again, I get to build snow men and go skating, I get to go swimming and spash in puddles. How is that for being young? Think being a parent is all sitting at home doing nothing? I get to go out to dinner and movies with a man I LOVE. Not someone who's around for sex. Sure, you're all young. But I promise you are not living life to the fullest, not yet. 

Being a parent is right for ME. It's right for alot of people.
Going out to the bar, and sleeping in till noon is right for alot of people too.

Having kids at 18 is right for some, having kids at 35 is right for some, and never having kids at all is right for some.
Just cause you don't understand why people make the choice to have kids at a young age, doesn't mean its the wrong choice. It's just not right for YOU.
I'm so sick of people acting shocked at how many young people have kids.
I'm even more sick of people thinking they are better then someone, because they have "made it" to a certain age without having a kid.
Not a proud accomplishment guys.

If you don't like the idea of having a kid at your age, then don't do it. It's just that freaking simple.
I would never sit and push someone to have a kid at my age, but I find it down right rude to say having a kid before 30, or whatever age you come up with, is a mistake. Your youth may involve partys, and road trips, and camping. My youth involves enjoying Logannes life. I still get to do everything someone with out kids does, I'd just rather be at home with my baby.
And to be honest, because I am a mother now, when I do go out and do things like camping and bars and such, I probably enjoy it alot more then someone without kids.


END FRIGGEN RANT

One year.

In one week Loganne will be one year old, I havn't had much time to write in this, as you can imagine. Mostly all you need to know, is I am still as excited to have her as the day she was born. I can't believe how faast this year has passed, and how lucky I am to be able to watch this amazing little girl grow and learn. But I can't help but think of the next year, and the many years to come. That being said, I have a few things to say, not to any of you, though I welcome you to read, but mostly to myself, and Loganne. Even if she may never read this.



Dear Loganne, 
You're first birthday is approaching sooner then I had hoped. I can think of a million mistakes I have made already, and I know there will be a million more. I'll never know how to do everything right when it comes to parenting, but there are somethings I can try to do to make you're life more fulfilling

I promise to put a band aid on every cut, and kiss every owie. I promise to not send you outside to play, but to play with you as often as I can. I promise to miss every party, and every work function, to tuck you in at night. I promise to cuddle you when you're sick, and make you laugh when you're sad. I promise to hold you're hand when we cross every street, and always make sure you wear your seatbelt.
I promise to teach you manners, how to read and write, your alphabet, and how to count - even backwards. I promise to stay up late to help you with your homework over and over again. I promise to teach you to work hard, and be honest. I promise to show you that being strong, can also mean having fun. I promise to respect you and you're opinion, and I promise to teach you to respect what I say. I promise to give you a unreasonable curfew, so you can be up for school in time. I promise to let you be angry with me, when I need to stand my ground. I promise to be fair with every punishment, and I promise to always explain why I need to punish you. I promise to share my mistakes with you, and to let you learn from them. I also promise to step back and let you make your own mistakes. I promise to always defend you, and I promise to make you take responsibility when you are wrong. I promise to protect you from as much as I can. And I promise to be there to comfort you when I could not protect you. I promise to let you climb trees, and play in mud, and be a kid. I promise to not burden you with mine and you're fathers responsibilities. I promise to let you blow you're first pay cheque, but also teach you to save money, and be responsible. I promise that no matter how awkward it may be, I will talk to you about sex, drugs, and alcohol. I promise to always have a open mind about any questions or opinions you may have. I promise to help you be safe with all of the above.

I promise to teach you kindness, love, respect to other human beings and animals. I promise to teach you to be passionate about what you care about. I promise to teach you about your family and where you come from. I promise to support you in anything you may do in life, as well as wherever you may go.

Most of all, I promise that I will forget all of these things at one point or another. But I promise it wont take long for me to remember. I promise that I will never have all the answers, and I won't always know exactly what to do, but I promise to always try.  I promise that I will lose my temper, and patience, but I will always let you know how much I love you, and how proud I am of you, no matter what. I promise to never be you're friend, but to always be your mother. Forever.

My eternal love,
Your mommy.

Nothing to do with being a mom

People always ask me why I don't have friends. You see, I do have friends. Just because you see me posting pictures on a Friday night of being home with my daughter doesnt mean I dont have friends. I have lots of friends. Just because I'd rather spend a night at home with my boyfriend and baby doesnt mean I dont talk to people or see people. Although I think I know where this is coming from, so I'm going to clear it up.

I don't interact with people the way others do. I infact often do my best to avoid people who I'm not close with. I don't often use facebook to talk to my few friends, I have a phone and I use it. I'm the last person to go out of my way and text someone though, I never call, I never make plans with someone. I put very little effort into getting to know anyone new really. This doesnt mean I'm unfriendly. I can be a very friendly person and if you take the time to talk to me, I'll be as pleasant as anyone. Does this mean I want to make friends with you? Probably not. If I'm not going out of my way to contact you there is more than likely a reason.

First, just so it doesnt seem like I think I'm so amazing and everyone else sucks, I'll give you some insight to me.

People have a tendency to think that I think I'm so freaking awesome. Well, I won't lie, I do think I'm pretty great. I like how I look, how I dress, talk, etc. Does this mean I think I'm better then everyone? Absolutely not. I don't think I'm better then ANYONE actually. I don't think anyone is better then me either. I think everyone is equal. This may be hard to understand since I just wrote a paragraph saying I don't talk to new people for a reason, but trust me, in a minute you'll get it.

When I meet people bad things tend to happen haha, I get all nervous and excited and I act weird. I think I've previously posted something along these lines. So this being said, not a whole lot of people like me at first. I'm a love me or hate me kind of person. No one has ever said "shes okay" about me. I get moody and bitchy and annoying and everything else. It just happens. And honestly, I'm not willing to change that cause its part of me. And I like me. Next, I have a tendency to "out do" people. Don't misunderstand. I don't mean I purposely go out of my way to make sure I'm better then everyone else. I just prefer things a certain way. I wear brand name shoes because they make my feet feel nice. If you wear walmart ones then thats great because its your choice. I don't wear make up, not my because I think I'm prettier then everyone, but because I don't like the way woman are treated when they either do or dont wear it. Things like this make people label me as a bitch. Often they are right. I can be the biggest bitch you will ever meet. But mostly because I will put you in your place if it means standing up for what I believe in. I don't let people walk all over me. And if you give me a reason to not like you, you will KNOW I don't like you.


Do I sound like a bitter lonely person yet? Nah. Theres few people I don't like, fewer people I hate. I just would rather avoid certain situations. Infact, I think everyone else is just as bitter and lonely as I seem to be.

I may be awkward and annoying and loud and bitchy. But who isnt at times? I can admit my faults. But how many people are going to read this and go "I do these things too". I guarantee not many.  And while I have a million reasons for someone to not like me, that has nothing to do with why I don't go out of my way to make friends. Heres the reason.

People like to talk to me. Oh poor me right? Someones actually trying to talk to me and make friends, life is hard. Nope. I don't mean they say "hey there how are you doin?" I mean they really really talk. They talk about bad things that have happened in their life. They talk about what they are stressing over that week. They tell me whats going on in their relationship. I mean deep personal things. Which is fine, I'm always willing to help anyone, and if you want to talk then I'll listen. The part that gets me is while these people are talking about all these things, they are also talking about people. Their family, their friends, their significant others. And it's never good things. I've never heard someone say "oh I cant wait for you to meet my best friend. They are so funny." I've heard things like "I guess youll like my best friend. She changes her personality so people always like her. She's so two faced." Or something like " My sister is coming to town. I hate when she does, she always needs to attention to always be on her."

I hate when people tell me things like this. First, it ruins my chance to get to know someone, and second, it ruins my chance to get to know you. Do you really think as your telling me these things I'm thinking "oh this person sounds awful."? Cause I'm not. What I'm thinking is "why the hell is this person talking shit about someone behind their back when they call them their best friend?" I'm not stupid. If your going to say these things about someone your "so close with" then why wouldnt I think that youre not going to talk about me too? And why would I chose to get close to someone who I know is going to sit and talk shit about me ? Doesn't appeal to me. I think Ive met maybe two people in my life who don't talk bad about their loved ones. And thats pathetic. I'm not trying to act like I'm so high and mighty because I'm guilty of it too. Thing is, when I do it, I only ever say things that I have outright said to the person I'm talking about. Does that make it better? No. But atleast I'm not being two faced. Maybe this is harsh. But really, I don't care.  I choose not to get close to people because I choose not to give people reasons to talk bad about me. I choose not to talk to people because I don't want my words twisted to make me sound awful. I choose not to get to know people because I don't want to know people that I have something bad to say about. Does this make me a bad person? I'm sure alot of people are going to call me a bitch for this. As always. But honestly, thats fine. Because I know that I have friends who don't talk about me, and never give me a reason to talk about them.

Maybe this sounds like I've been hurt, maybe it makes me sound like a coward. I know that I can meet people who are good people, I just have to get out there and take a chance, but really, I'm 21 years old, and I have a baby. Lots of people have kids and still go out, but I would rather spend my time with my daughter. I always see people looking for babysitters so they can go out. I don't want to. I like being with her. And when I do need a break, I want to be alone then go out with someone. I want to relax and do nothing. I prefer to be alone. I do go out with friends, just not as often as other people. I don't want to meet people to go the bar with. I don't want to spend my weekends away from Kevin and Loganne. I like my life as it is. So why change it?

So, there it is. My extremely long rant about why I choose to be by myself most of  the time. Maybe I'll end up alone because of it, maybe I won't. But either way, I'm happy with the few I have that I love and know will always be honest with me. 

I forgot I had this.

Loganne is now nine and a half months old. Crazy. Shes walking with help, crawling everywhere and even says a few words. (no, woof, moma and dadda) She's got such a big personality. She's always laughing and babbling and of course, getting into trouble. She definatly keeps me busy haha. Looking back two years ago I never would of thought I'd be this woman. But wouldn't ya know it, I love being a stay at home mom. I love playing with my baby all day and cleaning the house when she naps. I love watching her learn and discover. I love her hugs and kisses and every part of my day. I never thought I'd be the person to stay home on a friday night and get excited over a new vacuum, but I am. Thats me. And truthfully, I love this life. I love being this person. I am so much happier now then when I was out partying with my friends all the time.

That being said, nothing about my life is easy anymore. I don't sleep at night, or during the day. I worry about money and bills. I work hard at my relationship with kevin, I worry about Logannes saftey and happyness and of course, I worry about my ability to be the mom she needs. It's easy to fall in-love and get pregnant. Its hard to keep that love alive while raising a child. I''ve never kept it a secret that Loganne was a suprise. And while I would'nt change a thing about my life, I've always wondered why people choose this path at such a young age? Let me just say that when I say I always wondered, I mean for years before I got pregnant to right now.

As selfish as it sounds, before I had Loganne I had a don't care kind of attitude. Not my life? Not my problem. Now that I am a mother I have a totally different outlook. Not only do I care about the wellbeing of my daughter, but I care about everyone elses children too. Along with all their parents. I want the best for everyone and anyone. And knowing how hard it gets to accomplish things after you have become a parent, it bothers me when people make this choice.

Let me explain.

Last time I wrote this, I was living with my mother, my two brothers, Kevin, Loganne, four dogs and two cats. chaos right? Absolutly. Needless to say we wanted our own place and fast. The original reason for us to be there was to save money to buy a house. Did that work out? Not exactly. We now rent a main floor of a house.Which makes saving for a house much much harder. Kevin will be attenting school full time come september, which will make it even harder. He will be in school four years, after that we need to save for a down payment, get approved...well. you all know how buying a house goes. My guess is within ten to fifteen years if we are lucky, we will be able to purchase our first home. In a perfect world Loganne would grow up in one home, go to school with the same kids from kindergarden to graduation, have a nice yard to play in, and not have to worry about losing her friends because she has to move from home to home. In a more perfect world, Loganne would have been born after me and kevin had our educations, owned a home, owned two cars, and were fully prepared to give her everything I just described. Why plan to get pregnant if you cant give your child everything they deserve? If you already have a kid that one thing. But tot have your first when you arent where you should be is another. It doesnt make sense to me. I'm probably gonna get alot of hate for this one, but has anyone ever gotten anywhere by tip toeing around subjects? I'd rather say what I think and be admired for standing up for what I believe in. 

It's been awhile.

Loganne is already two months old ! Can you believe it? I sure can't. She's so big now, and changes everyday, it's truely amazing.
I already miss her being little haha. But I love seeing her grow and learn. We are starting to notice what she likes and doesn't like. She loves Rise against. (Swing life away is her favorite). And she smiles when we play patty cake with her haha. Actually, she smiles just about all the time. She is such a happy baby. She likes to stand up and jump, and she is starting to hug when you hold her. And she is still working on reaching and grabbing, but she tries hard. = ) She now weighs 11pounds and 9 onces, and is 22 and a quarter inches long. Huge ! She's kind of starting to sleep at night, she will go about 5 hours at a time, and is awake for most of the day looking and learning and talking and playing. She's absolutly the most amazing baby ever.

On the other hand, being a mom certainly is not easy. I'm absolutly exhausted. I don't mean that I need more sleep, I mean that its hard. I hardly sit down, I am forever cleaning, I barely find time to eat and shower, I havn't had a normal conversation with someone since she was born, I miss people, and going out. Me and Kevin have no time alone. And I never get "me" time.
I'm not complaining though. This is supposed to be about challenges along with joys. As much as I love Loganne, and love being a mom, I do wish I could have waited, and had some more time with Kevin, and more time to be young. Alot of people are going to say "oh you can still live your life and be young and do things. Just get a babysitter." But I know what kind of parent I want to be and that means that no, I can't live my life how I would of if I didn't have Loganne. Besides, I'd rather spend my Saturday nights with her, not at the bar, or at some party.

Kevin is being a great dad, he changes diapers, he plays with her, he cuddles with her, and talks to her. It's cute. Loganne is a lucky girl to have a father like him.

Quick update. More later

Loganne was born August 7th, 2011 at 11:12 a.m. She was 6 pounds, 8 ounces and 19 and a half inches long. I did indeed get a epidural thank god, and I sure do love laughing gas !

Since then just about everyone has come to see her, with a few exceptions, but they will visit as soon as they can, and everyone agrees she is a beautiful baby. Obviously I think so too.

I love being a mom. Love love love ! I like the night time feeds cause I get to see her more, I don't mind the diapers cause I'll do anything for her without complaint. She's so cute and cuddly and absolutely amazing. I can't believe I really made her. It's a whole new kind of love I never thought existed.

Me and Kevin are doing great. He's such a proud dad. He looks at her with pure love and adoration. It's amazing. And me and him are getting along quite well. We work good together as a team, and as a couple. I love him and that's not going to change.

I couldn't be happier with a new little family !