I'm due for a few monthly posts for my month to month goal. But I'm not going to write about that. Why? Because I havnt worked on any of those goals. I've had my mind on other things, more important things.
I've been thinking alot lately about facebook. Oh facebook, the stem of all my problems and pissed offness. You see, I keep seeing these posts of people complaining about their lives, which then results in a whole crap load of people commenting and saying "stop posting these things on facebook". Which got me thinking about the baby book comments. "this isn't baby book. stop making constant posts about your kids". Which got me thinking about the entire point of facebook. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't facebook created so you can add your friends, keep in touch, and know what's going on in everyones lives? So maybe you don't care about how freaking adorable my child looks in her new pink shirt. But I don't care about your brand new hair cut. Or your freshly painted nails. Or that you did your eye make up weird today. Now maybe you don't care that someone just got fired, but someone else does. Maybe facebook isnt the place to be complaining about every little thing in your life, but fact of the matter is that today facebook is how most people communicate maybe not with their best friends, or their mom. But with everyone else it is. I'm terrible for complaining about people posting about their personal lives. But now that I think about it, why else do I go on facebook? I don't look to see what someone had for lunch. I look to see if my friend graduated from university, to see if someone's kid took their first steps. I look to see if someone is newly engaged, or to give a bit of support to someone who is going through a break up.
So, why do we all put so much effort into shutting out "our friends"?
Someone once said to me "Sometimes you have to keep your opinions to yourself." Excuse me? Keep my opinions to myself? Now not once did I insult this person, not once did I tell them the best way to do something. I won't go into detail about why this comment was made to me, but it was uncalled for.
These things are being said repeatedly by everyone, to everyone. "Keep it off facebook" "It's not anyone's business but yours" "Keep your opinions to yourself" "You don't need to share every thought"
As most of you know, I'm notorious for speaking my mind. Do I share every thought? No, I don't. In fact, I'm alot more quiet then people think. When I say something I generally have a million other thoughts in my mind that don't come out for fear of offending someone. That being said. I also say things without thinking, and I regret it later. Because of this little habit of mine, many people have said to me "I wish I could speak my mind like you do."
There are people out there who are desperately unhappy because they are afraid to speak. They don't want to say that they don't want to do something, or see someone, there's people who are parenting their kids how they don't want to, because they wont speak up to say they don't want to do something. There's people out there who listen to things important to them be bashed, because they are afraid to stand up for things. There are people out there who know right from wrong, who wont say anything because they are afraid to be told exactly what I was told. To keep their opinions to themselves To keep it off facebook. It's not anyone's business You don't need to share every thought. So, my question is this. Who decided it's not acceptable to talk about things? Didn't we have people put their lives on the line, so we could have freedom of speech? Didn't we have people fight for our freedom? For acceptance? Weren't there people who fought for women's rights? For children's rights? For different races rights? And don't those rights include being able to speak up, and to do what you want, and what you don't want ? (abiding by law, of course.)
So naturally, after years and years of speaking my mind, and being told to shut up, and that my thoughts and my opinions don't matter, I shut up. How far did that get me? Well, I was accused of putting up a wall. Yes, a wall. Where did this theory come from? The fact that I wouldn't let a few people get close to me, because I wouldn't talk to them much. In reality, I don't talk to people I don't like. It's that simple. People who put up walls don't get engaged, have kids, have good friends, and so on. Anyway, back to the point. After being quiet, and being accused of putting up a wall, I was told "I don't even like you." As if it's a insult. Why is that a insult? If I don't like you, it's not because I want to hurt you, it's because we just don't get along. (In some cases, a few other factors come in) So why has not liking someone become a insult? Is that what people crave so badly? Has it become a popularity contest? Is that why we are telling people to keep things off facebook? Because we have tried so hard to be liked and be popular that we have added everyone we don't care about who doesn't care about us? Who is just there to make our number bigger? Is that why we don't speak our minds? Because there is always someone who is going to say something about you later? Does it all come back to how we feel about ourselves If no one else likes us, if we don't have 500 friends, then can we like ourselves? Is that why we so constantly try to break everyone else, by telling them that no one else should know their problems? And why is it that we don't care? Shouldn't we all care about everyone? There's few people I hate, but when I hate I really, really hate. I'd still do anything for them, because they are still people. And people shouldn't be hurt. And what hurts worse then anything? Being told you, and your thoughts aren't wanted.
So I'm opting for change. I'm as guilty as anyone in telling people to shut up, but I'm going to stop that, I'm going to embrace it when someone makes a whiney status. I'm going to offer support when someone asks for it, I'm going to give acceptance to everyone's opinion (actually something I've always done, don't always AGREE, but I try to accept, ya'll should too) and I'm going to encourage people to speak more about whats going on in their heads, and lives. There's no need for people to battle things alone, and whether someone out there reads this and they hate me or not, I dont care. If it gives someone something to gossip about , I don't care, and if someone sends love and support, then I thank them.
In the beginning of this post, I wrote "I have had my mind on other things, more important things". Part of wanting change, is being honest about the change your seeking, so here it is. My more important things have to do with money. Wholey crapola I'm broke. All I do is look for jobs, and do math. and try to figure out how to pay for things.
I'm going nuts. I sit at home all day and worry. I'm alone 99% of the time, and theres only so much baby babble you can listen to before you want to cry.
I'm over tired. I lay up at night and think, and I do things all day.
I've completely lost my relationship with my mother, and I will not get it back until I can figure out how willing I am to forgive.
All in all, life is sucking for me. So there it is, all my dirty laundry for everyone to see. Hopefully everyone will accept it, and take this as a realization that you don't need to go through things alone, that it's okay to talk about things, and it's okay to speak your mind, and ask for support. It's okay to admit everything is not perfect, it's okay to cry over facebook and admit you aren't as strong as people thing you are. It's okay to not care what people think. It's okay to let people know if your mad, or annoyed, or if you think they may be wrong. It's okay to add your two cents, and it's okay to piss people off. I'm sure there's more then a few people who have pissed you off. If it's worth it to stand up to someone, then do it.
You don't need to be best friends with everyone. You can walk away at any time, but no one should ever hear that their thoughts, and their lives don't matter.
THE END
Monday, 18 March 2013
Sunday, 30 December 2012
December 2012
Youll have to excuse my typos today as I am using my tablet and its a pain in the butt to type on.
Anyway. its the end of december and as you all know this was the first month of my 13 month goal. this month was focusing on thinking people are less stupid and trying to see the good in them more. i am sure you can all imagine from my wording that this has not gone overly well.
on the plus. ive figured out why i have such trouble seeing the good in people. its because people really ARE that stupid. im a very intuitive person. ive never liked someone and they turn out to be crappy. ive never disliked a good person. i know when someone is shit and most people are shit. its not a matter of i dont like anyone at all. if that were the case i wouls be single and have no friends. im impeccably good at picking out a liar, i know when someone tries to hard to be perfect, i despise when people are cocky, and i know when someone is a people pleaser. and those are the worst. ive just described about 95 percent of the world. and thats why i cant see the good in people, because i am ABLE to see the stupid.
ive said it before and ill say it again. im not perfect. never will be. which is why i have such a small group of friends. i hang around people like me. we can all openly tell eachother when we are being dumb or wrong or a bitch and move on. nothing gets held back and no feelngs get hurt. its real. ill say whats on my mind and it drives me nuts when people pout about it.
im not saying im better or smarter then other people here. im just different. everyone is different. and if everyone wants to go through life being "fooled" by people trying to be perfect then that is awesome for them. but i chose to live a different style.
so, in conclusion. i did not complete my goal for the month. but i dont think i failed. i just learned. i learned why i see people how i do and why i dont get along well with some people. i learned that i dont need to see the good in people because if there is bad then i dont want them in my life anyway. i learned to trust myself. and i learned to be more confident in my choices towards people (which falls into month 13...double whammy !)
all in all im still bitter. but i appreciate myself and my friends and family more. id LOVE to write more about this but like i said, tablet.
side note - after i write these this i usally get a few questions from all of you. id like to do a ask and answer post. all questions will be posted as anon. and if you have any topics youd like me to write about let me know ! till next time folks...
Sunday, 2 December 2012
Homeless people.
Something I am quite passionate about is homeless people. Having been there myself, I am very aware of how awful people can be to someone without a home. I'm not sure why people think they have a god given right to treat someone like crap just because they don't have a bed to sleep in, but it is ridiculous. Now I'm not saying everyone should jump off their couch and go give the first person on the streets they see twenty bucks, but a little bit of compassion can go a long, long way.
Picture this. It's December, Christmas is coming up, it's -30 degrees outside, and by some odd chance someone was feeling generous and gave you a couch to sleep on for one night. Their house is on the edge of the down. Come morning you have to leave, you have no money, no clothes, and most likely you don't even have a wallet with i.d. You know the closest homeless shelter, or food bank is downtown, which is a 6 hour walk from where you are. You have three options, you can illegally hop on the transit system, risking the chance of a ticket you can't pay, which would mean you get to have a warrant for your arrest, go to jail, and have a criminal record. You can walk downtown, get frost bite, and have no idea if the place you are going even has room for you. Or you can ask some strangers for some change to either get something to eat, or hop on the train and get where you need to go. Most likely you're gonna ask someone for the change. 9 out of the ten people you ask are going to tell you to get a job, give you a dirty look, or yell at you. That tenth person is going to lie and apologize and say they don't have any change on them. You are now stranded, left with two horrible options, and feeling like a disgrace. Your embarrassed shamed, depressed, and worst of all, cold and hungry. And believe it or not, if those 9 people would have just been nice to you, you're day would have been turned around. They didn't have to give you money, but hope that the human race is able to treat others with respect.
Granted, not all homeless people are really just looking for some help, or someone to be nice. Sure alot of them are looking for that next high, or bottle of booze. But how do you know ? And frankly, they arent going to be doing drugs and passing out on your couch. You don't know what just happened in their lives. And they are going to be spending that night on the streets, that bottle of booze is going to help take the edge off. I don't really support giving anyone money for alcohol or drugs, what I'm saying is, just be nice. Theres no need to call anyone disgusting, or yell at them for begging for money. You don't know that the person who looks like a crack head hasn't cleaned up and is just looking for some help. You have no idea how hard it is to get out of the homeless situation.
Get a job? Good advice....This guy has to find a place to shower, shave, be able to afford new clothes, travel to places that he is going to apply too, make and print a resume, and then keep up the effort day after day until he gets a job. Then he has to keep it up until he gets a few pay checks and is able to afford a place to live, THEN he has to provide references from past landlords...(wait? past landlords? this guy was homeless) All of this is very easy to type, but incredibly hard to do. Yeah sure, some people are able to do it, in fact, ANYONE can do it, given they are determined enough. Unfortunately given their current situation, they probably feel like giving up before even starting.
It's not your job to help all the poor people in the world, it's not your job to tell them how to fix their situation. You aren't going to open your home to these people who need a hand, so why do you think it's okay to call them bums? To tell them they are lazy? To refuse them the right to eat something? It's so easy to judge them while you are sitting in your warm home after having a big meal.
Okay okay. Right now your all saying "but amber, theres a ton of resources for people who need help, theres homeless shelters, theres offices to help with resumes, theres places to go to get food, to get set up in affordable housing." Sure are. Generally, the wait for affordable housing is about 7 years. And all those resources well how did you hear about them? The internet ? T.V? Maybe someone you work with? Do these sound like things a homeless person has at their disposal? Can you ramble off the names and addresses for places to help homeless people? I sure can't. And fact is, most of these people don't even know where to start to find a place like this. You can think with common sense, homeless people usually don't. Not because they are stupid, because they are overwhelmed. So much wrong has happened in their lives, and they are so scared, that they are usually unable to figure out where to start. I've never heard a homeless person ask me for fifty bucks, or if they can move into my house. But I don't think it's a stretch to give them those two dimes in my pocket. Or donate to a food bank, or at least say "no, sorry I can't help. But good luck"
I'd love to see some of you live on the streets for a week. You're entire view on life would change.
End. Rant.
Picture this. It's December, Christmas is coming up, it's -30 degrees outside, and by some odd chance someone was feeling generous and gave you a couch to sleep on for one night. Their house is on the edge of the down. Come morning you have to leave, you have no money, no clothes, and most likely you don't even have a wallet with i.d. You know the closest homeless shelter, or food bank is downtown, which is a 6 hour walk from where you are. You have three options, you can illegally hop on the transit system, risking the chance of a ticket you can't pay, which would mean you get to have a warrant for your arrest, go to jail, and have a criminal record. You can walk downtown, get frost bite, and have no idea if the place you are going even has room for you. Or you can ask some strangers for some change to either get something to eat, or hop on the train and get where you need to go. Most likely you're gonna ask someone for the change. 9 out of the ten people you ask are going to tell you to get a job, give you a dirty look, or yell at you. That tenth person is going to lie and apologize and say they don't have any change on them. You are now stranded, left with two horrible options, and feeling like a disgrace. Your embarrassed shamed, depressed, and worst of all, cold and hungry. And believe it or not, if those 9 people would have just been nice to you, you're day would have been turned around. They didn't have to give you money, but hope that the human race is able to treat others with respect.
Granted, not all homeless people are really just looking for some help, or someone to be nice. Sure alot of them are looking for that next high, or bottle of booze. But how do you know ? And frankly, they arent going to be doing drugs and passing out on your couch. You don't know what just happened in their lives. And they are going to be spending that night on the streets, that bottle of booze is going to help take the edge off. I don't really support giving anyone money for alcohol or drugs, what I'm saying is, just be nice. Theres no need to call anyone disgusting, or yell at them for begging for money. You don't know that the person who looks like a crack head hasn't cleaned up and is just looking for some help. You have no idea how hard it is to get out of the homeless situation.
Get a job? Good advice....This guy has to find a place to shower, shave, be able to afford new clothes, travel to places that he is going to apply too, make and print a resume, and then keep up the effort day after day until he gets a job. Then he has to keep it up until he gets a few pay checks and is able to afford a place to live, THEN he has to provide references from past landlords...(wait? past landlords? this guy was homeless) All of this is very easy to type, but incredibly hard to do. Yeah sure, some people are able to do it, in fact, ANYONE can do it, given they are determined enough. Unfortunately given their current situation, they probably feel like giving up before even starting.
It's not your job to help all the poor people in the world, it's not your job to tell them how to fix their situation. You aren't going to open your home to these people who need a hand, so why do you think it's okay to call them bums? To tell them they are lazy? To refuse them the right to eat something? It's so easy to judge them while you are sitting in your warm home after having a big meal.
Okay okay. Right now your all saying "but amber, theres a ton of resources for people who need help, theres homeless shelters, theres offices to help with resumes, theres places to go to get food, to get set up in affordable housing." Sure are. Generally, the wait for affordable housing is about 7 years. And all those resources well how did you hear about them? The internet ? T.V? Maybe someone you work with? Do these sound like things a homeless person has at their disposal? Can you ramble off the names and addresses for places to help homeless people? I sure can't. And fact is, most of these people don't even know where to start to find a place like this. You can think with common sense, homeless people usually don't. Not because they are stupid, because they are overwhelmed. So much wrong has happened in their lives, and they are so scared, that they are usually unable to figure out where to start. I've never heard a homeless person ask me for fifty bucks, or if they can move into my house. But I don't think it's a stretch to give them those two dimes in my pocket. Or donate to a food bank, or at least say "no, sorry I can't help. But good luck"
I'd love to see some of you live on the streets for a week. You're entire view on life would change.
End. Rant.
Friday, 30 November 2012
Offensive.
As of tomorrow I will be starting my 13 month better myself goal. Which means I'm going to make a effort to be nicer to people. SO before I start, I'm going to let out all my rude, offensive, insensitive opinions.
To parents :
I do not care if your baby is a week old, or 30 years old. You do NOT know every single thing there is about parenting. It just annoys people when you post constant pictures and explanations about how to do things. Yes we all know not to put windex in our kids food. We are all aware that babies go in car seats. We get it. Shut up about it. Also, YOUR way of parenting is right for YOU. Doesn't make it right all together. Stop forcing your parenting beliefs down others throats.
To people offering me repetitive parenting advice.
It is no secret that I do not take advice well, I do ask for advice from time to time but other then that, I'd rather not receive it. Usually I have no problem shrugging it off and ignoring you, but when it is repetitive things I get annoyed. Loganne is almost 16 months old, if I've never taken your cry it out advice, I'm not going to start, If I havnt taken your cloth diaper advice, or your baby food advice, your breast feeding, formula, teething tips, whatever else advice, I'm not going to. Stop bringing up the same shitty ideas over and over again. Once is enough. Drop it.
KEVIN and MYSELF are Logannes parents. US and only US are responsible for raising her, WE get to make the choices for her. You don't get to have a say in how I dress her, what I feed her, what I do with her, what I teach her, when I put her to bed, how I handle situations. etc. It is none of your concern. And frankly, no one even has the right to ask us how we do things, unless asking for advice. If you are part of our lives your only role is to enjoy her, laugh with her, play with her, spoil her. Not raise her. IF you want a child to raise, have your own.
Less parenting, more life -
Weight issues.
Anyone who has ever eaten with me has asked how I stay so skinny. It's not rocket science. Look at my plate. I have mostly salad on it. I don't eat desert. And I don't sit on my ass all day and eat cookies. If you wanna lose weight stop eating like a overweight person. You don't need to make a cake just because. You shouldnt be eating a tub of ice cream at nine o clock at night. And mcdonalds shouldn't happen every day.I get up. I move. I eat healthy. If you are sitting in front of me eating a bag of chips and complaining about how your pants are too tight, I will have no sympathy. Know why it's so hard to lose weight? Cause people try too hard to do it. You all go on these crazy diets and start insane excersize programs and get tired of it in a month. You don't have to join a gym and live off lettus. You can just get up and clean your house and eat a chocolate bar, just don't go crazy. 90 % rule - be healthy and active 90% of the time. Cheat and be unhealthy and lazy when you want to. Just not every freaking day.
Facebook
K. you're having a bad day. Fine. Call or text someone. You don't need to alert 900 people that someone just sneezed on you. Fuck. I hate facebook. I'm on it to share Loganne updates with her family. Other then that it's just a bunch of whiney people looking for sympathy. No one really cares that you don't want to work this weekend. I post things like how tired I am or something, and guess what, it gets no comments or likes, cause NO ONE CARES. Facebook is not your therapist. If you have something to complain about, I'm sure you have a friend or family member to talk too. If you don't then you need to get off facebook and go meet someone. Also - yeah yeah yeah. Kids are being bullied and animals are being abused. WE KNOW. Go do something about it, posting it on facebook isn't doing anything.
Self obsorbed people.
Yes. Everyone likes to talk about themselves and their kids. I do, you do, EVERYONE DOES. But that doesn't mean thats all you should talk about. Really, I don't care if you have a stuffy nose and your baby just smiled for the hundredth time today. I'll talk about you and your kid for a while, sure. I like to know whats going on in my friends lives. But every. single. day. all. day. is way too much. Theres other things in the world to talk about. And by the way, after I listen to four hours about what your kid did today, it's manners to ask about mine.
This one is EXTRA harsh.
If you are looking for kevin, wondering about kevin, wanting to make plans with kevin, have something to say to kevin, speak to kevin. I'm not your mediator. If you want me, then talk to me. But I'm not here to relay messages to kevin. Also - If I do something you don't like, remember this. Say it to me. You don't need to be texting/messaging kevin about me. Trust me. I have no problem "resolving" any issues you have with me.
Me being nice to you is a honor. Don't abuse the priviledge. If I find that you have said something about me, or treat me in a disrespectful way, do not be suprised and play victim when I am a total cunt to you.
Mind games.
I am very familiar with the "he said she said" talk behind your back but play nice to your face kind of games. It's a part of everyones life whether you want to admit it or not. I don't play these games. But if you want to start a game, I will play it better. Fair warning.
I've been extremely nice to people lately, more so then I should be. Lately I've taken alot of shit and I'm not thrilled about it. My next 13 months is about being nicer to people and being a better person. This blog post is so I can absolutely PISS OFF anyone who I should not have involved in my life, so you can all be offended and go away. If you so chose to stick around and I have offended you, then you are more then welcome to message me about this and we can absolutely go through every point I have made until we can hopefully resolve whatever issues there may be. Other then that, I'm done being nice to people who do not deserve it.
To parents :
I do not care if your baby is a week old, or 30 years old. You do NOT know every single thing there is about parenting. It just annoys people when you post constant pictures and explanations about how to do things. Yes we all know not to put windex in our kids food. We are all aware that babies go in car seats. We get it. Shut up about it. Also, YOUR way of parenting is right for YOU. Doesn't make it right all together. Stop forcing your parenting beliefs down others throats.
To people offering me repetitive parenting advice.
It is no secret that I do not take advice well, I do ask for advice from time to time but other then that, I'd rather not receive it. Usually I have no problem shrugging it off and ignoring you, but when it is repetitive things I get annoyed. Loganne is almost 16 months old, if I've never taken your cry it out advice, I'm not going to start, If I havnt taken your cloth diaper advice, or your baby food advice, your breast feeding, formula, teething tips, whatever else advice, I'm not going to. Stop bringing up the same shitty ideas over and over again. Once is enough. Drop it.
KEVIN and MYSELF are Logannes parents. US and only US are responsible for raising her, WE get to make the choices for her. You don't get to have a say in how I dress her, what I feed her, what I do with her, what I teach her, when I put her to bed, how I handle situations. etc. It is none of your concern. And frankly, no one even has the right to ask us how we do things, unless asking for advice. If you are part of our lives your only role is to enjoy her, laugh with her, play with her, spoil her. Not raise her. IF you want a child to raise, have your own.
Less parenting, more life -
Weight issues.
Anyone who has ever eaten with me has asked how I stay so skinny. It's not rocket science. Look at my plate. I have mostly salad on it. I don't eat desert. And I don't sit on my ass all day and eat cookies. If you wanna lose weight stop eating like a overweight person. You don't need to make a cake just because. You shouldnt be eating a tub of ice cream at nine o clock at night. And mcdonalds shouldn't happen every day.I get up. I move. I eat healthy. If you are sitting in front of me eating a bag of chips and complaining about how your pants are too tight, I will have no sympathy. Know why it's so hard to lose weight? Cause people try too hard to do it. You all go on these crazy diets and start insane excersize programs and get tired of it in a month. You don't have to join a gym and live off lettus. You can just get up and clean your house and eat a chocolate bar, just don't go crazy. 90 % rule - be healthy and active 90% of the time. Cheat and be unhealthy and lazy when you want to. Just not every freaking day.
K. you're having a bad day. Fine. Call or text someone. You don't need to alert 900 people that someone just sneezed on you. Fuck. I hate facebook. I'm on it to share Loganne updates with her family. Other then that it's just a bunch of whiney people looking for sympathy. No one really cares that you don't want to work this weekend. I post things like how tired I am or something, and guess what, it gets no comments or likes, cause NO ONE CARES. Facebook is not your therapist. If you have something to complain about, I'm sure you have a friend or family member to talk too. If you don't then you need to get off facebook and go meet someone. Also - yeah yeah yeah. Kids are being bullied and animals are being abused. WE KNOW. Go do something about it, posting it on facebook isn't doing anything.
Self obsorbed people.
Yes. Everyone likes to talk about themselves and their kids. I do, you do, EVERYONE DOES. But that doesn't mean thats all you should talk about. Really, I don't care if you have a stuffy nose and your baby just smiled for the hundredth time today. I'll talk about you and your kid for a while, sure. I like to know whats going on in my friends lives. But every. single. day. all. day. is way too much. Theres other things in the world to talk about. And by the way, after I listen to four hours about what your kid did today, it's manners to ask about mine.
This one is EXTRA harsh.
If you are looking for kevin, wondering about kevin, wanting to make plans with kevin, have something to say to kevin, speak to kevin. I'm not your mediator. If you want me, then talk to me. But I'm not here to relay messages to kevin. Also - If I do something you don't like, remember this. Say it to me. You don't need to be texting/messaging kevin about me. Trust me. I have no problem "resolving" any issues you have with me.
Me being nice to you is a honor. Don't abuse the priviledge. If I find that you have said something about me, or treat me in a disrespectful way, do not be suprised and play victim when I am a total cunt to you.
Mind games.
I am very familiar with the "he said she said" talk behind your back but play nice to your face kind of games. It's a part of everyones life whether you want to admit it or not. I don't play these games. But if you want to start a game, I will play it better. Fair warning.
I've been extremely nice to people lately, more so then I should be. Lately I've taken alot of shit and I'm not thrilled about it. My next 13 months is about being nicer to people and being a better person. This blog post is so I can absolutely PISS OFF anyone who I should not have involved in my life, so you can all be offended and go away. If you so chose to stick around and I have offended you, then you are more then welcome to message me about this and we can absolutely go through every point I have made until we can hopefully resolve whatever issues there may be. Other then that, I'm done being nice to people who do not deserve it.
Thursday, 22 November 2012
Ambition.
It's quite often that I have days when I'm all like "woah man. life altering thought. I'm gonna change everything about myself and be better !" Then a few days go by and I'm like "eff it." WELL THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT.
At one point in time I was all bubbly and friendly and loved everyone....most of you are laughing right now but I swear it's true haha. Why I changed isn't important, the fact is that I changed. While I am impeccably happy with the person I am, I also enjoyed qualities about myself that I used to have. So over the course of this next year I am going to try to implement some of those old qualities. I'm not really going to "change" things about me - as that is not my goal. I'm more looking to enhance the good things about myself and make them more apparent to others. I will do this month to month. Since it is only November right now I will do a 13 month timeline. The goals shall go as followed
December of 2012 - I will ATTEMPT (this is capitalized because this is going to be a incredibly difficult thing for me to do, but it must be done before I am able to move on.) to stop focusing on how stupid people are and try to concentrate on the good things about each individual.
January of 2013 - Less sarcasm. This goes with the previous month, I will continue to use sarcasm as a form of good humour, I will be using it less in the form of making fun of people.
Febuary of 2013 - Another difficult one, as I am torn on how to accomplish this goal. As you all know I am an incredibly opinionated person, and I openly voice those opinions whether people want to hear them or not. I was not born this way, it's something I acquired throughout my life, and at certain points in my life it was absolutely vital that I voiced each and every opinion I had, now it's a way for me to fight with people as my opinions very rarely match other peoples opinions. My goal is this - I'm not going to change my opinions, I'm not going to stop voicing my opinions. But I am going to to hold back some opinions that I know will offend some people (an example is my opinion on abortions, it's a touchy subject, and if I know it will hurt someone or cause an argument I will simply hold back from blurting it out.)
March of 2013 - Argue less. The best way for me to describe my reasoning for this one is I like to be right. So if I can argue any point you make so I can be right, I will argue it. I'd like to stop this habit I need to learn to let-go of winning everything and just be comfortable with whatever people think or say.
April of 2013 - This may not make sense to alot of people, but I am going to start being mean. It doesn't always come across this way but often I feel the need to make sure everyone is happy, so I go out of my way to do things for them I don't really want to do. In other words, I'm going to say no alot. This is will be a drastic change for me as it's in my nature to generally go with the flow, which has been fine and usually is a good quality to have, but lately people have been walking all over me. When I say no, I mean no folks. This is not a goal I wish to keep forever, but I do need to implement it in my life. After I've accomplished it I will then work on finding a happy in-between.
May of 2013 - Talk less do more. I genuinely want to be more involved in worlds issues, I often say I want to donate to a cause, or volunteer for another cause. My goal for this month is to actually do it - not just say it.
June of 2013 - Talk more, do less. I need to figure out how to stop acting the most smart, the most funny, the most caring, etc. I want to talk more to show how I really am smart, and funny and caring and all that other good stuff. If I'm acting a way that people don't understand it doesn't do much good. But if I can make them understand things about me with my words, then I feel I'm moving in the right direction.
July of 2013 - Get more excited about things. the words "have to" show up in my vocabulary alot. "I have to put loganne to bed. I have to go grocery shopping. I have to check the mail." All incredibly simple things that most people would never think twice about - but the fact is these things are all I have in my life as a stay at home mom. Maybe something good will be in the mail. I GET TO cuddle with loganne till she is asleep. I get to go and pick out delicious things from the grocery store. Life should be fun, not a list of things I can't get out of.
August of 2013 - This is my birthday month, so I've decided to use this month to be less greedy. falling into the month of May, I'd like to do things such as ask people to give money to charities for my birthday, I want to compliment others more and make them feel special, and focus less on what it is I want.
September of 2013 - Back to school month. At this point in time (i mean right now) It's hard for me to focus on my career and educational goals, because money is tight and I have a young daughter and because kevin is in school. In September it is unrealistic to say I'll be done my school and working. But I want to have every plan and detail worked out for when I am able to start that part of my life.
October of 2013 - I want to use this month to find ways to improve my relationships with people, whether it is already a good relationship or not. Ie Kevin, my mom, my mother and father in-law, my brothers, and old friends of mine.
November of 2013 - Stop fixing things. I'm awful to bring a problem too because I need to fix it. I've never had the type of life to sit and just complain about something. I've always been in situations where I needed to fix it. I don't want to fix things anymore - the worlds problems are not MY problems.
December of 2013 - The final and most important month. I left this for last because at this time, it is the last goal I have for myself, and it is not limited to December of 2013, I hope this quality will go on through out my life, even if the others disappear again. I want to be more comfortable with me. I don't mean my body, or my clothes or anything like that, just in general as a person. I want to be happy with choices I make. With activities I do, things I eat, things I say, and everything else amber related. In other words, be more confident.
This is alot to cram into 13 months. And I'm incredibly stubborn, so to think I can accomplish these things in a month each is a bit of a stretch. I've timed these things in the months they are in so I can carry-on these qualities throughout the year and years to come. I don't want to promise myself to lose weight or quit smoking or something like that, that no one ever succeeds in. I want to really better myself beneath the surface and ultimately be the type of person I want my daughter to be. I welcome all to join me on these upcoming months and try to implement some of these changes in yourself as well.
At one point in time I was all bubbly and friendly and loved everyone....most of you are laughing right now but I swear it's true haha. Why I changed isn't important, the fact is that I changed. While I am impeccably happy with the person I am, I also enjoyed qualities about myself that I used to have. So over the course of this next year I am going to try to implement some of those old qualities. I'm not really going to "change" things about me - as that is not my goal. I'm more looking to enhance the good things about myself and make them more apparent to others. I will do this month to month. Since it is only November right now I will do a 13 month timeline. The goals shall go as followed
December of 2012 - I will ATTEMPT (this is capitalized because this is going to be a incredibly difficult thing for me to do, but it must be done before I am able to move on.) to stop focusing on how stupid people are and try to concentrate on the good things about each individual.
January of 2013 - Less sarcasm. This goes with the previous month, I will continue to use sarcasm as a form of good humour, I will be using it less in the form of making fun of people.
Febuary of 2013 - Another difficult one, as I am torn on how to accomplish this goal. As you all know I am an incredibly opinionated person, and I openly voice those opinions whether people want to hear them or not. I was not born this way, it's something I acquired throughout my life, and at certain points in my life it was absolutely vital that I voiced each and every opinion I had, now it's a way for me to fight with people as my opinions very rarely match other peoples opinions. My goal is this - I'm not going to change my opinions, I'm not going to stop voicing my opinions. But I am going to to hold back some opinions that I know will offend some people (an example is my opinion on abortions, it's a touchy subject, and if I know it will hurt someone or cause an argument I will simply hold back from blurting it out.)
March of 2013 - Argue less. The best way for me to describe my reasoning for this one is I like to be right. So if I can argue any point you make so I can be right, I will argue it. I'd like to stop this habit I need to learn to let-go of winning everything and just be comfortable with whatever people think or say.
April of 2013 - This may not make sense to alot of people, but I am going to start being mean. It doesn't always come across this way but often I feel the need to make sure everyone is happy, so I go out of my way to do things for them I don't really want to do. In other words, I'm going to say no alot. This is will be a drastic change for me as it's in my nature to generally go with the flow, which has been fine and usually is a good quality to have, but lately people have been walking all over me. When I say no, I mean no folks. This is not a goal I wish to keep forever, but I do need to implement it in my life. After I've accomplished it I will then work on finding a happy in-between.
May of 2013 - Talk less do more. I genuinely want to be more involved in worlds issues, I often say I want to donate to a cause, or volunteer for another cause. My goal for this month is to actually do it - not just say it.
June of 2013 - Talk more, do less. I need to figure out how to stop acting the most smart, the most funny, the most caring, etc. I want to talk more to show how I really am smart, and funny and caring and all that other good stuff. If I'm acting a way that people don't understand it doesn't do much good. But if I can make them understand things about me with my words, then I feel I'm moving in the right direction.
July of 2013 - Get more excited about things. the words "have to" show up in my vocabulary alot. "I have to put loganne to bed. I have to go grocery shopping. I have to check the mail." All incredibly simple things that most people would never think twice about - but the fact is these things are all I have in my life as a stay at home mom. Maybe something good will be in the mail. I GET TO cuddle with loganne till she is asleep. I get to go and pick out delicious things from the grocery store. Life should be fun, not a list of things I can't get out of.
August of 2013 - This is my birthday month, so I've decided to use this month to be less greedy. falling into the month of May, I'd like to do things such as ask people to give money to charities for my birthday, I want to compliment others more and make them feel special, and focus less on what it is I want.
September of 2013 - Back to school month. At this point in time (i mean right now) It's hard for me to focus on my career and educational goals, because money is tight and I have a young daughter and because kevin is in school. In September it is unrealistic to say I'll be done my school and working. But I want to have every plan and detail worked out for when I am able to start that part of my life.
October of 2013 - I want to use this month to find ways to improve my relationships with people, whether it is already a good relationship or not. Ie Kevin, my mom, my mother and father in-law, my brothers, and old friends of mine.
November of 2013 - Stop fixing things. I'm awful to bring a problem too because I need to fix it. I've never had the type of life to sit and just complain about something. I've always been in situations where I needed to fix it. I don't want to fix things anymore - the worlds problems are not MY problems.
December of 2013 - The final and most important month. I left this for last because at this time, it is the last goal I have for myself, and it is not limited to December of 2013, I hope this quality will go on through out my life, even if the others disappear again. I want to be more comfortable with me. I don't mean my body, or my clothes or anything like that, just in general as a person. I want to be happy with choices I make. With activities I do, things I eat, things I say, and everything else amber related. In other words, be more confident.
This is alot to cram into 13 months. And I'm incredibly stubborn, so to think I can accomplish these things in a month each is a bit of a stretch. I've timed these things in the months they are in so I can carry-on these qualities throughout the year and years to come. I don't want to promise myself to lose weight or quit smoking or something like that, that no one ever succeeds in. I want to really better myself beneath the surface and ultimately be the type of person I want my daughter to be. I welcome all to join me on these upcoming months and try to implement some of these changes in yourself as well.
Saturday, 13 October 2012
Short, about smoking DOPE
I'm sure its not just me who see's people posting pro-marijuana things alllll the time. It's on facebook. Twitter. Youtube. Whatever other websites. My friends do it. People in my family do it. Strangers on the street do it.
Oh, I'm not talking about the act of smoking marijuana, I'm talking about justifying smoking marijuana.
I get it, you all want pot to be legalized. You think it's so great. And nothing bad has ever come of smoking pot. Blah. Blah. Blah, before I go on, I wanna say your hundred million gazillion posts on facebook aren't doing anything, aside from annoying me. Go like protest or something...outside, away from the computer. K thanks.
Anyway, back to the point.
For a example, my younger brother is a prime example of this particular group of people. The "yay lets all go smoke a joint and have our cancer cured cause pot is so wonderful" kinda people. The "we can all get along if we just giggled and smoke outta our bong" type of people. And of course The "nothing bad has EVER come from smoking pot. It's so good for you !" kind of people. Shhhuuuttttt uuuuppppp.
I'm sure by now just about everyone has heard of this recent study the wonderful university called Harvard has done. If not, I'll enlighten you. Harvard has completed a study done on mice, that showed that tumours have been reduced from the use of marijuana. No where does it PROVE that it will reduce tumours in humans, or remove them, but whatever. I'll humor everyone and go along with this. Prior to this study, marijuana has been used to reduce pain for medical reasons. Just a fyi. At this point I will throw out there that I don't smoke pot, I have ofcourse attempted it, never much liked it, and there for don't do it. I have not spent my life researching it, trying to make it sound good or bad, honestly, i could not care less if you smoke it or not. But I do think if you are going to engage in any activity, you should know the facts.
1) Marijuana has been PROVEN to cause testicular cancer, particularly in young men ( obviously men, but yeah, more young then old) ... At least the mice have smaller tumours.
2) Lung cancer. Oh yes. It certainly has been PROVEN to cause lung cancer. It's not a matter of if either folks, much like cigarettes, it's a matter of when. Don't bother arguing this. I am well aware that after quitting smoking your lungs return to pink and blah blah blah, doesn't mean lung cancer isn't happening in 50 years.
3) Weight gain. Obviously. Btw, I don't know many people who "munch" on celery after lighting up that bowl. So I'm gonna throw diabetes into this mix
Most importantly,
Oh, I'm not talking about the act of smoking marijuana, I'm talking about justifying smoking marijuana.
I get it, you all want pot to be legalized. You think it's so great. And nothing bad has ever come of smoking pot. Blah. Blah. Blah, before I go on, I wanna say your hundred million gazillion posts on facebook aren't doing anything, aside from annoying me. Go like protest or something...outside, away from the computer. K thanks.
Anyway, back to the point.
For a example, my younger brother is a prime example of this particular group of people. The "yay lets all go smoke a joint and have our cancer cured cause pot is so wonderful" kinda people. The "we can all get along if we just giggled and smoke outta our bong" type of people. And of course The "nothing bad has EVER come from smoking pot. It's so good for you !" kind of people. Shhhuuuttttt uuuuppppp.
I'm sure by now just about everyone has heard of this recent study the wonderful university called Harvard has done. If not, I'll enlighten you. Harvard has completed a study done on mice, that showed that tumours have been reduced from the use of marijuana. No where does it PROVE that it will reduce tumours in humans, or remove them, but whatever. I'll humor everyone and go along with this. Prior to this study, marijuana has been used to reduce pain for medical reasons. Just a fyi. At this point I will throw out there that I don't smoke pot, I have ofcourse attempted it, never much liked it, and there for don't do it. I have not spent my life researching it, trying to make it sound good or bad, honestly, i could not care less if you smoke it or not. But I do think if you are going to engage in any activity, you should know the facts.
1) Marijuana has been PROVEN to cause testicular cancer, particularly in young men ( obviously men, but yeah, more young then old) ... At least the mice have smaller tumours.
2) Lung cancer. Oh yes. It certainly has been PROVEN to cause lung cancer. It's not a matter of if either folks, much like cigarettes, it's a matter of when. Don't bother arguing this. I am well aware that after quitting smoking your lungs return to pink and blah blah blah, doesn't mean lung cancer isn't happening in 50 years.
3) Weight gain. Obviously. Btw, I don't know many people who "munch" on celery after lighting up that bowl. So I'm gonna throw diabetes into this mix
Most importantly,
4) Brain damage. Seriously guys. It happens. Not to everyone, in fact it's rare. but it happens. I guarantee you can walk into any hospital, and go onto any psych ward, and there is AT LEAST one person who has never smoked a cigarette, drank any alcohol, or done any drug, and has ONLY smoked marijuana and is now sitting like a vegetable Not laced, just plain old pot. Not a excessive amount. But not a joint a year either. It happens people.
On that note, I'm positive I have missed alot. I'm sure I will be informed of many benefits of pot. And I'm sure every point I have made will be argued. But seriously people, it IS illegal for more reasons then taxes.
also - I'm just gonna add. It smells really bad. And is a useless cost of money.
ps - I get paid if ya'll click those adds on my blog. KAY THANKS !
On that note, I'm positive I have missed alot. I'm sure I will be informed of many benefits of pot. And I'm sure every point I have made will be argued. But seriously people, it IS illegal for more reasons then taxes.
also - I'm just gonna add. It smells really bad. And is a useless cost of money.
ps - I get paid if ya'll click those adds on my blog. KAY THANKS !
Thursday, 9 August 2012
Some people I tell ya.
I do not know what the sudden epidemic is with people thinking you HAVE to be a certain age to have children, but it is pissing me off.
Over the last few days I have seen way to many status' on facebook saying things like "thank god I don't have kids"
"Am I the only one our age with no kids yet"
"Having kids before x age is throwing away your youth"
LIKE SERIOUSLY GUYS?!
Maybe I'm just dumb, or maybe just no one told me, but I had NO clue that you have to be a certain age to have kids. I know some people who got pregnant at 15 and are amazing parents. I also know some 40 year old moms who probably shouldn't be around any kids at all. Whether you plan to get pregnant or not is irrelevant. Personally, I am way happier being a mom, then I ever was before I got pregnant.
Youth? really? thats your excuse? I know I wake up everyday EXCITED to play with my daughter. In my mind waking up hungover is not enjoying your YOUTH. I enjoy my youth by being able to run around and actively play with Loganne. When I go to bed at night I'm excited to wake up and see her beautiful face, I don't think about what embarrassing thing I did while I was drunk. I never wake up to a stranger and think "what have I done". I don't grit my teeth and suffer through a week just to go to a bar on a friday night. I enjoy every day I have, I have a sense of fulfilment, I get rewarded everyday by hugs and kisses and pure love. Every day I live is filled with laughter and love. I'm young, but I'm young enough to know I'll be dancing at my grand childrens weddings, I know I'll have enough energy to walk Loganne to school. I'm young enough to enjoy a large amount of Logannes life. When I look back to when I'm twenty something, I'm gonna remember how happy I was when Loganne took her first steps, and said mom for the first time. I'm not gonna think about how I can't remember anything because of that bottle of booze.
As for everything else, I get to go to the zoo now, I get to trick or treat again, I get to build snow men and go skating, I get to go swimming and spash in puddles. How is that for being young? Think being a parent is all sitting at home doing nothing? I get to go out to dinner and movies with a man I LOVE. Not someone who's around for sex. Sure, you're all young. But I promise you are not living life to the fullest, not yet.
Being a parent is right for ME. It's right for alot of people.
Going out to the bar, and sleeping in till noon is right for alot of people too.
Having kids at 18 is right for some, having kids at 35 is right for some, and never having kids at all is right for some.
Just cause you don't understand why people make the choice to have kids at a young age, doesn't mean its the wrong choice. It's just not right for YOU.
I'm so sick of people acting shocked at how many young people have kids.
I'm even more sick of people thinking they are better then someone, because they have "made it" to a certain age without having a kid.
Not a proud accomplishment guys.
If you don't like the idea of having a kid at your age, then don't do it. It's just that freaking simple.
I would never sit and push someone to have a kid at my age, but I find it down right rude to say having a kid before 30, or whatever age you come up with, is a mistake. Your youth may involve partys, and road trips, and camping. My youth involves enjoying Logannes life. I still get to do everything someone with out kids does, I'd just rather be at home with my baby.
And to be honest, because I am a mother now, when I do go out and do things like camping and bars and such, I probably enjoy it alot more then someone without kids.
END FRIGGEN RANT
Over the last few days I have seen way to many status' on facebook saying things like "thank god I don't have kids"
"Am I the only one our age with no kids yet"
"Having kids before x age is throwing away your youth"
LIKE SERIOUSLY GUYS?!
Maybe I'm just dumb, or maybe just no one told me, but I had NO clue that you have to be a certain age to have kids. I know some people who got pregnant at 15 and are amazing parents. I also know some 40 year old moms who probably shouldn't be around any kids at all. Whether you plan to get pregnant or not is irrelevant. Personally, I am way happier being a mom, then I ever was before I got pregnant.
Youth? really? thats your excuse? I know I wake up everyday EXCITED to play with my daughter. In my mind waking up hungover is not enjoying your YOUTH. I enjoy my youth by being able to run around and actively play with Loganne. When I go to bed at night I'm excited to wake up and see her beautiful face, I don't think about what embarrassing thing I did while I was drunk. I never wake up to a stranger and think "what have I done". I don't grit my teeth and suffer through a week just to go to a bar on a friday night. I enjoy every day I have, I have a sense of fulfilment, I get rewarded everyday by hugs and kisses and pure love. Every day I live is filled with laughter and love. I'm young, but I'm young enough to know I'll be dancing at my grand childrens weddings, I know I'll have enough energy to walk Loganne to school. I'm young enough to enjoy a large amount of Logannes life. When I look back to when I'm twenty something, I'm gonna remember how happy I was when Loganne took her first steps, and said mom for the first time. I'm not gonna think about how I can't remember anything because of that bottle of booze.
As for everything else, I get to go to the zoo now, I get to trick or treat again, I get to build snow men and go skating, I get to go swimming and spash in puddles. How is that for being young? Think being a parent is all sitting at home doing nothing? I get to go out to dinner and movies with a man I LOVE. Not someone who's around for sex. Sure, you're all young. But I promise you are not living life to the fullest, not yet.
Being a parent is right for ME. It's right for alot of people.
Going out to the bar, and sleeping in till noon is right for alot of people too.
Having kids at 18 is right for some, having kids at 35 is right for some, and never having kids at all is right for some.
Just cause you don't understand why people make the choice to have kids at a young age, doesn't mean its the wrong choice. It's just not right for YOU.
I'm so sick of people acting shocked at how many young people have kids.
I'm even more sick of people thinking they are better then someone, because they have "made it" to a certain age without having a kid.
Not a proud accomplishment guys.
If you don't like the idea of having a kid at your age, then don't do it. It's just that freaking simple.
I would never sit and push someone to have a kid at my age, but I find it down right rude to say having a kid before 30, or whatever age you come up with, is a mistake. Your youth may involve partys, and road trips, and camping. My youth involves enjoying Logannes life. I still get to do everything someone with out kids does, I'd just rather be at home with my baby.
And to be honest, because I am a mother now, when I do go out and do things like camping and bars and such, I probably enjoy it alot more then someone without kids.
END FRIGGEN RANT
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