The end.

Everytime I write in this I make a point to read every single previous post I've written. Part of why I started this was to watch how I've grown. It interests me to look at myself, how someone else would. I have grown tremendously. To see my thoughts, my rants, my experiences. It's almost overwhelming. When I began this blog I was scared, I was angry. Quite frankly, I was a average young person who got pregnant. I had so many emotions, so many thoughts, and so many opinions. Both set on me, and coming from me. I've learned to love myself more, to love others more. I've learned about other people, others views, others interests. I've learned to accept. Accept myself, my friends and family, my life, and everyone else's lives. Acceptance is a beautiful thing that I truly wish more people would strive for.

Now it's time to grow more. Life is like a book, cliché I know, but it is. You write your own chapters, and I'm moving on to a new chapter in my life. I've used this blog to share my thoughts, to share my opinions, my memories, and sometimes to just flat out complain about things. But I'm ending it now. I need to grow in new ways, and find more things about myself. I'm going to stop writing in my blog, I'm going to stop using facebook. There are many reasons for this, some most people won't understand, and some that most people would agree with. Some reasons are personal, and I don't feel the need to share them.

Before I go, there are a few thing's I'd like to say.

In regards to my miscarriage. I'm very sad, I will never understand why it happened. I'm the kind of person who needs to know things. If I have a question about anything ever I always make it a point to find out the answer, but I can not answer why for this. It may seem like something you just need to accept and move on from, but I am not that person. For the rest of my life I will always be keeping up to date with new studies on miscarriages. I will never let this go. It hurts. That being said, I'm excited to see what my next baby will be like. I'm trying to find positives in this. Kevin and I want another baby, and we will have another baby one day. We will love that baby as much as we love Loganne, and as much as we love the one we lost, and had I not lost this baby I'd never get to experience the love and joy that I will with my next. And frankly, there are days that I thank god for thinking Kevin and I are amazing enough to create a angel.

When you go to a abortion clinic they tell you not to think of it as a baby. To instead think of it as a sac of cells. An infection almost. I've never had a abortion. I never will. A baby is not a sac of cells. By the time you figure out you are pregnant, and book a abortion, then get there, your babies heart has started beating. A sac of cells does not have a heart beat. I've been thinking alot lately about abortions. I lost my baby, a baby I love. While women out there are killing theirs. Then I think of all those families who can't have kids for medical reasons, who would love to give that child you are aborting a wonderful, happy life. I've always thought this way about abortions. Every time someone says "it's different when you have to go through it" I laugh at them, because I was there. I had been with Kevin for 6 months before we got pregnant, we didn't really know each other  Certainly not enough to have a baby together. I didn't know his family, he didn't know mine. I was uneducated, he didn't make alot of money, I lived with my mom and had no job. It was scary, actually, it was terrifying. By no means was it a exciting experience to learn that we had created a life. I was there. I was in the position where some people might run and get a abortion. Adoption was a option for us, in the end I'm happy we kept Loganne. I don't even remember what life was like before her. She has changed my world, Kevin and I are both happier, and better people because of her. She has motivated us to be better for ourselves  and her. Sometimes I don't know what's more amazing, how much I love her, or how much love I feel from her. That's not something to be taken for granted.


Teen pregnancy is a scary thing, I was 20 when I got pregnant, but I was in the same position as a 16 year old to be honest. Up until two weeks ago I thought the reason teens shouldn't get pregnant is because they haven't grown up yet. Meaning that they don't have the means to provide for their child, meaning that they should have fun and be a kid a little longer, meaning that they aren't mature enough to become parents (that changes, a baby makes you grow up pretty quick) But now I see its so much more then that. I couldn't imagine being a teen and finding out that not only am I pregnant, but then to lose my baby. It's hard enough to deal with at any age, as a teenager it would be unimaginable. Parents, provide birth control, talk to your kids, support them. They will have sex, but they are not ready to be parents themselves. Help them to prevent it. And to all the young ones reading this, wait to have sex. It really will be better when you are old enough to fully understand, and to make proper choices. There is no rush.


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Kevin. Oh my sweet, amazing Kevin. I adore this man. What I did to be so lucky I'll never know, but I hope everyone gets to experience this kind of love at one point in their lives. When I was little I watched all those Disney movies where the princess is rescued or gets to marry the prince or whatever else, then I watched all those romance movies when I was a teen, and I thought of how badly I wanted a man like that, to love me that much, to be that much fun, to keep me safe and make me happy. Well I have that with Kevin. There are no horses carrying us off into the sunset. We don't live in a castle. We don't dress up and go to fancy dinners. But the love is there, the memories, the desperate need to be with each other as much as possible. It's a intense love, and it grows stronger every day. Even as I type this I'm almost in tears just thinking of how amazing he is, and how amazing our relationship is. We aren't perfect, our relationship isn't perfect. But it's pretty damn close. I can't imagine being with anyone else. I truly believe we are meant for each other  We don't have a huge house, or a fancy car.  We don't go out and spend a bunch of money on gifts and dinners and everything else, because what we have can't be bought. He's my soul mate, and I make a point of thanking God every day that I have such a amazing man in my life.


Loganne. Again, I thank God every day. I don't know what to write about this perfect child. Theres so much I want to say but there really are no words to describe her, or how I feel about her, I love her. I'm so happy I have her.


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"Parents like us have babies like ours"


This has been said to me a few times, obviously when I'm talking to friends about how smart, or funny or amazing our kids are. It's natural to brag about your kids, everyone should brag about our kids. I think I've heard every single person who's ever had a kid say "my baby is so strong, they were holding their head up at a week old " or "my baby is only 4 months and trying to crawl". That first word is always brought up too. "At 5 months my baby said their first word". Notice here how I've said every parent says these things. Myself included. Advanced is a big word used when parents talk about their kids. Advanced. What makes a advanced child? Ask any new parent out there and they will say it's parenting. It's what you do with your kids. Now I don't know about other kids, but I've sat in front of Loganne for hours trying to get her to learn a certain word. She usually doesn't get it. But theres days when a word or phrase just pops out of her. Parent's like us. Loganne is a very smart child. She picks up everything at the drop of a hat. Time to clean up toys? She's on it. Tv stops? Well jeez. Thats supposed to be on, and she knows how to tell you. Ask her to do just about anything and she will do it, she knows to say please and thankyou. She knows what certain things are for. She knows the proper places for everything. She knows. She's a smart kid. Is she a genius ? Well. Aren't all our babies geniuses? Parents like us. What does that even mean ? Parents like us. Parents that stay home, or go to work? Parents that bottle fed, or breast fed? Parent's who take their kids out every day, or stay home and read books? Parents like us ? Maybe it's not what's on tv. Maybe it's not the toys that teach things. Maybe it's not that you feed your child more veggies then chocolate (though I have my opinions on junk food). Maybe it's the love we give them. Parents like us. What parent doesn't give their baby a hug every day? Or a kiss at bed time? What parent is going to love their baby less if they don't say their first word by the time they are a year old ? What parent is going to ever admit they are less then another? None. We all parent in our own ways, and we all have smart, beautiful, strong, happy babies and kids. That's what makes a parent. There should never be a category when it comes to parenting. Parents like all of us love our kids, we carried them for nine months. We changed diapers and stayed up at night. We get their breakfasts lunches and dinners, we love them. That's what  should be focused on. Not how soon your baby walked. Parents like us. You know what. If you want to take a hour and let your baby play by itself while you sit on the couch, then do it. If you don't feel like cooking a meal and instead decide to put something in the microwave, then do it. If you want to put your kid down for a nap early because you just need that break then do it. If you don't want to finger pain cause you don't want to clean up the mess on that day, then it's okay. Get a baby sitter so you can nap. Put something on the tv that isn't a educational cartoon. Give your kid a cookie instead of a apple. Let your kid run around naked for the day. Just always remember to love your kid, that's what parents like us should mean.
Ps. Parents like us, need to learn that we are not parenting only our kids. Everything you say and teach your child is going to be passed on when your child gets to school. Everyone is going to see those pictures and status's you post, including some young kids. If you allow your 14 year old to smoke, they are going to go and offer a smoke to another 14 year old. If someone else allows their kid to drink, that kid is going to offer alcohol to my kid. If you don't get your kids shots, and tell them why, that kid is going to go to school and tell other kids those reasons, and scare those kids. If you don't like a book for your kid, your kid is going to go say why to other people. An example of this is I had a friend with a 6 month old girl, who said she would not dress her baby in anything with a cherry on it, because it's dirty and sexual. She didn't care that there were kids around when she said it. That sentence will be passed on. We are all parenting everyones kids. It is our responsibility to make sure we act as proper parents in front of our kids, as well as everyone elses.


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The need to succeed is huge in people. There's so many things that people think they need to have, or accomplish, in order to be the best, to be better. Maybe you don't need to have 10 businesses  Maybe you don't need to have 10 degrees, or go to 50 places. Maybe you don't need 500 friends on facebook. That's not success. Success is feeling happy with yourself, and your life, starting at home and with your family and close friends. Pick the job you want, that you like, and succeed in that. Pick the people you love, and succeed in those relationships. An Ipad isn't going to make you successful. A fancy car isn't going to make you like yourself. A big house isn't going to make others love you. I find when people strive for matereal things, they lose site of what's important. That big tv in your living room isnt going to love you, or make your kids happier. Kid's are going to remember the funny comments you make when watching that tv. Those same comments you can make when you are off the couch and playing with them. That cake you bake isnt going to make them think you are a good mom or grandma. The time you spend running after them at the park is more important. You may think these objects make for a fulfilling life now, but you are going to hate yourself when your spouse or your kids have a heart attack at 40 because they ate nothing but junk food and didn't get up to do things. You're going to hate yourself when your 10 year old gets diabetes.



I started this off talking about acceptance. Acceptance is a tricky thing. I can accept if someone wants to eat like crap, but I can not accept it if they have a health problem from eating like crap then continue to do so even if they are putting their life in danger. I can accept that some people are ready to get pregnant and be a parent. I can not accept that innocent lives are being killed. I can accept alot of things, I can accept that you don't believe in God when I do, I can accept that you don't think it's right that I have a kid, yet I'm not married. I can accept that you choose to drink every weekend and leave your kid with a babysitter, when I don't choose to do that. But I can not, and I refuse to accept that people are not taking precautions to live happy healthy lives. I can not change it, but I can not accept it either.


So, I will be leaving this blog up, but I won't be writing in it any more  I'll be leaving my facebook activated, because I have way to many pictures on there, and honestly, I use it for games, so I can't delete it haha. But I won't be using them any more. There's to many arguments ( not for me, but I see other people fighting) To much sad news. To much obsessions. To much negativity. There are a million other ways to talk to me, and stay updated with my life and each and every one of you can ask me what those ways are. Peace and Love to everyone. Thanks for reading.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV4DiAyExN0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMH-N0SfmuE